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[yourgoddamnit]

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, FUCKASSES AND SANDWICH FACTORIES.
TODAY I BRING TO YOU A MARVELOUS TALE.
IT IS A STORY OF SURVIVAL THAT RIVALS THE ESTEEMED FILM COMMONLY ABBREVIATED TO TROLL LIAM NEESON VS. THE HOWLBEASTS.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE I'M THE PROTAGONIST
BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT MY FOE IS AN EVEN MORE DESPICABLE EXCUSE OF ANGRY FUCK THAN I AM.
SERIOUSLY.
IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE CREATED A MINIATURE CLONE OF ME, THREW IT INTO THE BOWELS OF HELL, AND THE SHIT IT OUT IN THE LOAD GAPER THAT IS DISCEDO.
I WOULD BE IMPRESSED IF MY COMMUNICATOR WASN'T SMEARED WITH MY OWN BLOOD AS I TYPE THIS.

THE STORY BEGINS A FEW WEEKS AGO.
EVERY FUCKING DAY I'D HEAR SOMETHING SKITTERING AND SCREECHING WITHIN THE WALLS OF THIS DECAYING HIVE.
PUNCHING THE WALL HAD NO EFFECT.
JUST WHEN I WAS CONSIDERING FLUSHING OUT THE CULPRIT WITH FIRE, I FIND THE LITTLE ASSHOLE EATING THE SANDWICH I'D SET DOWN.
HE WAS EATING
MY FUCKING
TAPIOCA SANDWICH.
WE LOCKED EYES
AND I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.

RIGHT BEFORE HELL BROKE LOOSE I MANAGED TO CATCH A PICTURE OF IT BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS A PROPER PHOTO OF THEIR NEMESIS.
BEHOLD THE FACE OF NIGHTMARES:

( please someone give him a rabies shot )

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE.
SAM WINCHESTER THE MOOSE.
I SUMMON YOU.
GET YOUR ASS IN THIS MEMO BEFORE I LEAVE A MAP OF YOUR DWELLING FOR THE DEMON TO FIND.