≈ first breath; voice

[hammerkinds]

[Static starts across the voice feed, followed by some mumbling. It seems someone accidentally clicked it on while they were fiddling with the device.]

Dude, do you remember alchemizing these? I don't remember anything like this in my sylladex... Man, speaking of, where is my sylladex?

Why are you asking me? My sylladex launched my sword into the closest tree it could find. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to yank it out with a broken foot? Thanks by the way. I really wanted my toes to get touchy with your hammer. You don't even know. I'm going to get some heinous infection all up in this shit and you're going to have to amputate my foot to save my life or something. Except I refuse, but then we'll get attacked by a swarm of who the fuck even knows and tragically take them down, going down with them. You'll weep over my bloodied corpse. Why Dave? How could you leave me? You were the only bro I could have ever had such a rad bromance with. Now I have nothing. Sweet delicious tears. [Yeah, Dave has no idea where he's going with this too.]

[There's a snort and laughter from the other voice, and even without seeing it's pretty obvious someone is rolling their eyes.]

That didn't even make sense, Dave! But I guess I am sorry that the princess got his foot broken by a hammer that is not even that heavy. Can you ever forgive me?

I take offense to that. How dare you not keep my fragile, maiden tendencies to heart. I have a very delicate complexion going on. But I'll forgive you because I love you. Seriously though, where the fuck are we? I'm two years too early to be wherever we're supposed to be. Fuck if I know. Everything is kind of vague and I think I stopped giving a shit or two since nearly being a victim of trashy novels involving foursomes.

[There's a rustle of fabric. Dave had plopped down next to John, even if you can't see it.] What are you doing?

I am trying to figure out how this thing works. And I am pretty sure I am three years too early to be at the new session. Jade said it would take that long and I just sent you guys that letter. And isn't it kinda weird that we are the only ones here?

[There's more rustling as John fiddles with the functions, turning the communicator over in his hand.] Whoa! I think this thing is on.

Oh my god. You didn't get to see Karkat freak out. It was like the most embarrassing thing. You literally nailed him in the face and he had some major mental breakdown and everything.

Oh shit really? Ok. That's cool I guess. Ask someone where we are. Also if they have a can opener.

Haha, oh man, really? That sounds like something worth seeing! Ok, ok, uhh... Hello? Can anyone hear us? [He's not going to ask your dumb question about the can opener, Dave.]

[ooc| john is in blue, dave is in red!]

Comments

Action of Course

[knightime]

You got something against can openers, John? Is that it? Discrimination against can openers is a felony in some places. Better check yourself before you wreck yourself, dude.

The Po-po are will be on your ass in no time.

Come on, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this fucking can now. I don't even know why I have it. I don't know why you have Con-Air on you. Was it seriously that important that you had to have it on you at all times?

action always

[hammerkinds]

Yeah, dude, I hate can openers. I thought you knew that. [Eyeroll goes here.] But seriously, it kind of didn't seem like the time to ask about it. If it will make you feel better I will ask the first person I see that isn't you.

[He shrugs!!]

Where did you even get that can? Did you have it in your sylladex or something? I had Con Air in mine...

[Voice]

[makesfearstrue]

What signs do you see?

[Voice]

[hammerkinds]

Oh! I guess there are other people here after all? I think we are in a park or... I think it might have been a park?

[Voice]

[knightime]

I saw a lot of tombestones. Does that count as a sign? [Ever so helpful.]

I guess that means we might be near a graveyard. I'm not willing to find out personally though.

[video]

[bauhinia]

I've gotta can opener.

[ Priorities. ]

[video]

[knightime]

[You're speaking his language. These are the best priorities.]

I think I can marry you and not regret it at all. I'll have to divorce this guy first, but he doesn't understand the importance of having a can opener apparently.

[video]

[hammerkinds]

Oh! Cool. Can you maybe let Dave borrow it sometime so he can open his can of- well I don't really know what is in it!

audio

[gochuugoku]

[Since when was there a soap opera channel on the comm?]

What is a sylladex?

audio

[knightime]

What? How can someone not know what a sylladex is? How do you carry all your shit around? I mean, if you say in your arms, than you seriously need to get with the technology. It's ten times more convenient to have a sylladex to carry all your crap.

I wouldn't be able to carry the mass amounts of shitty swords I usually have, plus my timetables, plus all my swag suits. Seriously. A life without a sylladex is a pretty sad life.

audio

[hammerkinds]

It is kind of like a storage mechanism! I guess like an inventory in video games?

You guys don't have sylladexes?

[crabbygenius]

Session? Where ever you think you're going, this isn't it.

[knightime]

I would have never guessed. The relocation to a park when I was sitting on a meteor didn't give that away.

[hammerkinds]

Where is here, exactly? Do you know where we are?

voice

[sundancer]

[There's only a noise expressing confusion on the other end.]

???

voice

[knightime]

That...wasn't English. Not even close. What or who am I talking too?

1/idk yeah prepare your inboxes

[legality]

[ oh what's that mumbling?? that incredibly familiar mumbling? ]

[legality]

[ obviously, if terezi shakes her communicator, the sounds will come out clearer. shake, shake, shake. ]

[ video ]

[reobserves]

Uh.. I don't have a can opener, so would just saying where you guys are maybe be okay too..?

[ video ]

[knightime]

Can opener ordeal has been dealt with. Someone has kindly offered to let us use theirs. Crisis adverted. No doom or gloom because I had to open the can through more dangerous methods that might have gone nuclear. Everyone can breathe out a sigh of relief.

Captain Obvious as fuck has already said we're apparently in a park. I mean, I can't figure out how he deduced that. Quite the Sherlock. But we're near a graveyard. I assume it is, but I'm not exactly going to go find out personally.

[video] - Throwing this one at you because lulz.

[allthecoolgear]

Oh, new arrivals? Hello, I'm the Doctor! Who might you be?
What's a sylladex? Sounds interesting!

[video]

[hammerkinds]

Hi! I'm John. Does this place get a lot of new people?

And I guess this place really doesn't have sylladexes! It's what we use to keep all of our stuff in.

[sthenic]

Yeah we can hear you! ..Is his foot okay?

[hammerkinds]

Yeah, I am pretty sure it's fine! He is just being a huge drama queen.

[video]

[bringerofdemons]

I'm sure they can fix your foot if you lose it and your face if it gets horribly mauled by who know what in the city. Though,I don't think you'll get mobbed.

[Least she hasn't seen any horrible monsters around lately.]

I can hear you just fine.

Not sure what you'd want with that, but we probably have one somewhere? Not that I ever go to the kitchen to use it.

[video]

[hammerkinds]

His foot isn't that bad, he is just making a big deal out of it! My hammer barely hit it. But whoa, can they really fix that stuff?

[video]

[shortestfuse]

What's a car cat. [ He has selective hearing. ]

[video]

[hammerkinds]

He is a friend of mine!

voice

[scimitar]

[WOW HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT WAS JUST SAID. but he can pretend he did.]

Yo! Welcome to Discedo!

voice

[knightime]

Thanks, dude. Nothing like being welcomed to the middle of some hostile land. Break out the guitars and get a campfire going. Sing songs all night and everyone can just be the best of pals.

But since everyone is telling us there are monsters and they're dangerous, how strong are we speaking? Like, the usual low rate npc monsters you see in video games or are we thinking more like boss level monsters?

( text ) 1/2 the latest tag in the history of late tags

[yourgoddamnit]

[ AND I APOLOGIZE FOR SUCH LATENESS SOB SOB but I could not let this post go un-Karkated!!!

But as I attempt to repent for my sins, Karkat is staring at his communicator with a mixture of disbelief and... well, his emotions are like the North Pacific Gyre. They swirl around in an ocean of unfathomable depths, and there might be something pretty sweet lurking in it, but no one, not even Karkat himself, wants to explore it because there's a huge pile of trash and rage amassed on top of it. The trash is composed mainly of irrational rage and fuckwords.

Point is, Karkat isn't sure what he's feeling right now, so he decides to settle in on his collection of fury twice the size of Texas. It is at this point that he starts yelling at himself in his own mind. In lieu of Future or Past Karkat to hate, he's had to settle for his Current self. So basically he's just a big fucking ball of crazy. What else is new.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? he screams in his mind with all the eloquence of a rabid badger. THIS WAS MY ONE CHANCE, MY ONE CHANCE AT RESOLVING EVERYTHING I EVER FUCKED UP WITH TEREZI, AND NOW PRINCE OF DICKS HIMSELF HAS SHOWN UP TO ONCE AGAIN GET IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING.

Yeah you were doing a splendid job of making your intentions clear with her, what with all the insults and displays of cold indifference, another part of his mind retorts.

That's just how we roll. Messing with that would be messing with the very foundation of our relationship. Friendship. Whatever, the first part says.

We've been over this. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS oh shit.

Karkat ceases his schizophrenic arguing with himself as he realizes that he's been glaring into space for the past three minutes and that Terezi, wherever she is, can probably sense another stupid argument and will undoubtedly mock him for it.

But by god does he feel the rage at Dave arriving. This complicates everything. It was already complicated by an apocalyptic world and opossums but now it's even worse.

Now that this dumb monologue is done TIME TO ACTUALLY REPLY. ]

( text ) 2/2

[yourgoddamnit]

BEFORE I GET ON THE WASTELAND WELCOME WAGON, I HAVE TO SAY FUCK YOU BOTH.
MINE WAS A LEGITIMATE REACTION.
EVERYONE WAS EYING EACH OTHER LIKE AN INTER SPECIES GANGBANG WAS ABOUT TO COMMENCE RIGHT THEN AND THERE ON TOP OF SOLLUX'S BLOODY CORPSE
AND SUDDENLY I GET THE EQUIVALENT TO A BAG OF DICKS THROWN AT MY FUCKING FACE.
YOU THREW A BIG METAL DICK AT MY FACE, JOHN.
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

AND NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY.
WELCOME TO HELL, ALSO KNOWN AS DISCEDO.
ENJOY YOUR STAY.
I'M ASSUMING SOMEONE GAVE YOU THE VERY BASIC INFORMATION OF THIS UNIVERSE AND I'LL BE SURE TO DETAIL THE REMAINING PARTS LATER, BUT HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART:
YOU WILL DIE AT SOME POINT.
AND THEN YOU WILL BE REVIVED.
IT'S LIKE OPPOSITE GODTIERING, WHERE INSTEAD OF GAINING ALL SORTS OF BULLSHIT POWERS AND OUTFITS THAT LOOK LIKE A RAINBOW PUKED ON THEM, YOU GET ANY ABILITIES STRIPPED AWAY BY A MICROCHIP IMPLANT.
ACTUALLY YOU'LL PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE THAT IN YOU NOW
BUT IF YOU GET IT REMOVED, THEY'LL PUT IT RIGHT THE FUCK BACK IN IF/WHEN YOU BITE THE DUST.

YOUR DEATH WILL PROBABLY BE AT THE HANDS OF A RAINBOW DRINKER.
OR A DEMON.
THEY LIVE IN THE WALLS, BUT DON'T WORRY.
I WILL CONTINUE MY STREAK OF BEING UTTERLY HELPFUL BY RIDDING THIS WORLD OF THEIR EXISTENCE.
YOU'RE
FUCKING
WELCOME.

[video] I hope I'm not too late to the party o/

[tapdancinskelly]

[On the screen you'll see a skeleton drinking tea. How said skeleton drinks said tea is another question, but he seems to be staring in a mildly disturbing way as he takes a long measured sip.]

Hi.

[And then he's back to sipping tea again.]

[video] never too late

[hammerkinds]

Uh...

[John squints, trying to get a closer look at the video to see if it's held up by strings or something because it's probably a giant puppet? He can't really tell though. Where is that tea going tho]

Hey dude, are you for real? Or is this an elaborate prank?