discedo | ≈ first breath; voice

[Static starts across the voice feed, followed by some mumbling. It seems someone accidentally clicked it on while they were fiddling with the device.]

Dude, do you remember alchemizing these? I don't remember anything like this in my sylladex... Man, speaking of, where is my sylladex?

Why are you asking me? My sylladex launched my sword into the closest tree it could find. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to yank it out with a broken foot? Thanks by the way. I really wanted my toes to get touchy with your hammer. You don't even know. I'm going to get some heinous infection all up in this shit and you're going to have to amputate my foot to save my life or something. Except I refuse, but then we'll get attacked by a swarm of who the fuck even knows and tragically take them down, going down with them. You'll weep over my bloodied corpse. Why Dave? How could you leave me? You were the only bro I could have ever had such a rad bromance with. Now I have nothing. Sweet delicious tears. [Yeah, Dave has no idea where he's going with this too.]

[There's a snort and laughter from the other voice, and even without seeing it's pretty obvious someone is rolling their eyes.]

That didn't even make sense, Dave! But I guess I am sorry that the princess got his foot broken by a hammer that is not even that heavy. Can you ever forgive me?

I take offense to that. How dare you not keep my fragile, maiden tendencies to heart. I have a very delicate complexion going on. But I'll forgive you because I love you. Seriously though, where the fuck are we? I'm two years too early to be wherever we're supposed to be. Fuck if I know. Everything is kind of vague and I think I stopped giving a shit or two since nearly being a victim of trashy novels involving foursomes.

[There's a rustle of fabric. Dave had plopped down next to John, even if you can't see it.] What are you doing?

I am trying to figure out how this thing works. And I am pretty sure I am three years too early to be at the new session. Jade said it would take that long and I just sent you guys that letter. And isn't it kinda weird that we are the only ones here?

[There's more rustling as John fiddles with the functions, turning the communicator over in his hand.] Whoa! I think this thing is on.

Oh my god. You didn't get to see Karkat freak out. It was like the most embarrassing thing. You literally nailed him in the face and he had some major mental breakdown and everything.

Oh shit really? Ok. That's cool I guess. Ask someone where we are. Also if they have a can opener.

Haha, oh man, really? That sounds like something worth seeing! Ok, ok, uhh... Hello? Can anyone hear us? [He's not going to ask your dumb question about the can opener, Dave.]

[ooc| john is in blue, dave is in red!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i don't think have any other reason to throw a bucket at you, but i will try to remember anyway.
i would not want to be culturally insensitive on accident.

uhh, dude, tampon is not really an insult. that is just really gross.
they aren't really offensive though.

the sandwich factory??
i am not exactly sure where we will be living yet, just somewhere free i guess!

OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T YOU FUCKING GOODY TWO-SHOES.

[ it's a compliment... really........ ]

YEAH? WELL IT'S EQUALLY AS GROSS AS STRIDER.
HIS VERY BEING IS AN INEXPLICABLY ABSORBENT COTTON BULLET ON A STRING.
EVEN WORSE
HE'S RED.
I HEARD THAT'S THE WORST KIND OF TAMPON.

AND FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THE SANDWICH FACTORY WAS THIS NATION-PERSON NAMED JAPAN
EMPIRE OF THE RISING SIDEGLANCES
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
FOR A WHILE THERE WERE SEVERAL OF US TROLLS HERE

[ "before all the shit went down and everyone died," he thinks, but doesn't type. ]

AND WE OWNED A MONOPOLY ON THAT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSHOLE'S SANDWICH ENTERPRISE.
THOUGH I'LL ADMIT
FOR ALL HIS FAULTS
HE ACTUALLY WAS A GOOD GUY.
GOOD FRIEND TOO, AS WEIRD AS THAT IS TO TYPE AND I'M SURE IT'S JUST AS WEIRD FOR YOU TO HEAR.
ANYWAY HE LIVED IN THE HIVE RIGHT NEXT TO OURS.
I THINK HIS MATESPRIT IS STILL THERE BUT IF NOT YOU'RE WELCOME TO IT.
AND IF IT'S TAKEN YOU CAN FIND YOUR OWN FUCKING WAY, IT'S NOT LIKE ACQUIRING LIVING SPACE IS AN OVERLY CONVOLUTED PROCESS.
YOU JUST WALK IN AND SAY,
"I AM NOW KING OF THIS DOMAIN AND ALL SHALL COWER BEFORE ME"
AND THEN IT'S YOURS.

ew, gross!
i think we should stop talking about stuff like tampons. in fact, i am pretty sure no one should talk about them.

so you were making money on his sandwiches?
that seems dumb since he was the one making them. but it's nice that he made food for you.
it's not really weird to hear you call someone your friend, i'm just glad you are admitting that you have friends. :)
does that mean you will admit we're friends now too?
and i will let you know where we are staying once i know! maybe you can come over to visit. it will be cool to actually get to meet you guys instead of looking at you through jade's space thing.

FINE.
BUT THIS ONLY CONFIRMS THAT I'VE FINALLY FOUND SOME OBJECT HUMANS FIND REVOLTING
AND I CAN USE IT TO DESCRIBE STRIDER.
BEAUTIFUL.

OH MY FUCK ARE WE REALLY GOING THERE?
OKAY.
YES.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
I HAVE FRIENDS.
THE MAJORITY OF THEM ARE PSYCHOPATHS, ASSHOLES, DEAD, OR MENTALLY IMPAIRED IN SOME WAY (READ: YOU)
BUT I CLAIM THIS CORNUCOPIA OF FAILURES AND FUCKHEADS AS MY FRIENDS.
WHILE THIS PROBABLY DOESN'T REFLECT WELL ON MY CHARACTER, I CAN'T IMAGINE ANY OF YOU ADMITTING TO ANY FORM OF COMPANIONSHIP WITH ME IS ANY BETTER.
IN ALL ACTUALITY IT'S WORSE.

I'LL ALSO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY NOW:
I'VE MET YOU HERE BEFORE.
YES, YOU'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, BUT PEOPLE WHO RETURN DON'T ALWAYS REMEMBER.
MAYBE THEY'RE FROM DIFFERENT TIMELINES OR SOMETHING.
THE ANSWER ISN'T CLEAR.
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW NOW BEFORE ANYONE ELSE JUMPS ON YOU AND EXPECTS YOU TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE.
BUT
EVEN SO
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T VISIT.

[ actually he'll probably just come over unannounced and john will have more trouble trying to keep him away than getting him to come over. ]

haha, you are so melodramatic, karkat. i think you're probably a good friend, even if i haven't really known you very long.
oh, uh, really? i guess i am one of those people that doesn't remember, then.
so i will meet you again here or something.
it kinda sucks that i don't remember, though!
and i will visit you guys too, if that's ok.

I'M NOT MELODRAMATIC.
I'VE LIVED WITH MELODRAMATIC AND UNTIL THE DAY I GET A DOUCHEY CAPE AND WHINE ABOUT LIFE, I AM NOT MELODRAMATIC.

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
MEMORY LOSS IS COMMON AND, AS FAR AS I'VE SEEN, DOESN'T RESULT IN PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE.
NO MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE ANYWAY.

PERSONALLY I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU VISIT.
BY THAT I MEAN
YEAH THAT WOULD BE COOL.
I DON'T MIND.
BUT I'LL WARN YOU THAT OUR HIVE IS KINDA A MAJOR SHITHOLE.
HALF THE FUCKING WALLS ARE MISSING BECAUSE SOLLUX HAD PSYCHIC EYE-DIARRHEA AND BLASTED EVERYTHING TO SHIT.
THEN THERE WAS THE FLOOD THAT FUCKED EVERYTHING UP FURTHER.
AND THERE'S A MILLION OTHER TINY, EQUALLY AWFUL REASONS WHY THIS HIVE HAS BECOME A HAZARD ZONE
NOT THE LEAST OF WHICH IS THE FACT THAT TEREZI NOW LIVES HERE.
HER MERE PRESENCE IS LIKE MULTIPLE RAZOR BLADES IN THE THORAX.

you are pretty melodramatic, dude!
dave is too, though.

haha, maybe you should just visit us instead.
but i'm sure it's not as bad as you make it sound, so i will be sure to visit sometimes too!
it would be cool to hang out with you and terezi, anyway.

EVERYONE WITH A CAPE IS MELODRAMATIC.
YOU HAVE TO WAIT THREE DAYS BEFORE YOU CAN OWN A CAPE SO THAT THE OWNER CAN DO A BACKGROUND-CHECK TO MAKE SURE YOU ENGAGE IN ABSURD THEATRICS.
IT'S PART OF THE REGISTRY PROCESS.

I HONESTLY CAN'T IMAGINE THAT YOUR TEMPORARY HIVE IS GOING TO BE ANY WORSE THAN MINE.
AND NO.
I'M NOT EXAGGERATING.
IT IS SO AWFUL.
IT'S REMARKABLE THAT I HAVEN'T DROPPED DEAD FROM THE STENCH ALONE.

YOU SAY THAT NOW
BUT THEN YOU WILL ACTUALLY BE AROUND US
AND YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY REGRET THAT DESIRE.
I'M NOT EVEN BEING SELF-DEPRECATING HERE WE ARE TRULY TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

that is a pretty serious wait time for a cape!
have you put in your application for one yet?
and do you actually know a lot of people that wear capes? i though they only wore those things in movies these days.

if it smells bad, why don't you just clean it up? it is probably something rotting or dead if it smells bad!
or maybe because it hasn't been clean in a while? there could mold or something in there, dude.
that's gross.

≈ first breath; voice

( text ) ahaha good i'm not the only one that tags at work

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