discedo | ≈ first breath; voice

Entry tags:

≈ first breath; voice

[Static starts across the voice feed, followed by some mumbling. It seems someone accidentally clicked it on while they were fiddling with the device.]

Dude, do you remember alchemizing these? I don't remember anything like this in my sylladex... Man, speaking of, where is my sylladex?

Why are you asking me? My sylladex launched my sword into the closest tree it could find. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to yank it out with a broken foot? Thanks by the way. I really wanted my toes to get touchy with your hammer. You don't even know. I'm going to get some heinous infection all up in this shit and you're going to have to amputate my foot to save my life or something. Except I refuse, but then we'll get attacked by a swarm of who the fuck even knows and tragically take them down, going down with them. You'll weep over my bloodied corpse. Why Dave? How could you leave me? You were the only bro I could have ever had such a rad bromance with. Now I have nothing. Sweet delicious tears. [Yeah, Dave has no idea where he's going with this too.]

[There's a snort and laughter from the other voice, and even without seeing it's pretty obvious someone is rolling their eyes.]

That didn't even make sense, Dave! But I guess I am sorry that the princess got his foot broken by a hammer that is not even that heavy. Can you ever forgive me?

I take offense to that. How dare you not keep my fragile, maiden tendencies to heart. I have a very delicate complexion going on. But I'll forgive you because I love you. Seriously though, where the fuck are we? I'm two years too early to be wherever we're supposed to be. Fuck if I know. Everything is kind of vague and I think I stopped giving a shit or two since nearly being a victim of trashy novels involving foursomes.

[There's a rustle of fabric. Dave had plopped down next to John, even if you can't see it.] What are you doing?

I am trying to figure out how this thing works. And I am pretty sure I am three years too early to be at the new session. Jade said it would take that long and I just sent you guys that letter. And isn't it kinda weird that we are the only ones here?

[There's more rustling as John fiddles with the functions, turning the communicator over in his hand.] Whoa! I think this thing is on.

Oh my god. You didn't get to see Karkat freak out. It was like the most embarrassing thing. You literally nailed him in the face and he had some major mental breakdown and everything.

Oh shit really? Ok. That's cool I guess. Ask someone where we are. Also if they have a can opener.

Haha, oh man, really? That sounds like something worth seeing! Ok, ok, uhh... Hello? Can anyone hear us? [He's not going to ask your dumb question about the can opener, Dave.]

[ooc| john is in blue, dave is in red!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You got something against can openers, John? Is that it? Discrimination against can openers is a felony in some places. Better check yourself before you wreck yourself, dude.

The Po-po are will be on your ass in no time.

Come on, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this fucking can now. I don't even know why I have it. I don't know why you have Con-Air on you. Was it seriously that important that you had to have it on you at all times?

Yeah, dude, I hate can openers. I thought you knew that. [Eyeroll goes here.] But seriously, it kind of didn't seem like the time to ask about it. If it will make you feel better I will ask the first person I see that isn't you.

[He shrugs!!]

Where did you even get that can? Did you have it in your sylladex or something? I had Con Air in mine...

No, it doesn't make me feel better. [Bluh!] I guess we should figure out where we are though and ollie outtie as soon as possible. Except if there's anything I've learned since being tossed into a shitty video game, the chances of getting out of anywhere is so low that I might as well be six feet under.

Can Town, dude. It was a glorious city. I guess I had this in my sylladex and forgot about it.

I wonder if maybe we did get to the new session earlier than expected, but everyone else is missing. Do you think they are ok too?

[You know, aside from Dave having a two-handed hammer dropped on his foot. He's technically fine anyway.]

Can Town?? Is that something the trolls had?

I highly doubt it. Aren't we supposed to be entering their session? This ain't no Skaia or Land of insert something insightful about us here. I think we got nabbed.

[Hey, he doesn't have his god tier immortality right now, jack ass.]

It's a town. Made of cans. I don't know how blunt I have to get for you to understand that. Terezi, the Mayor, and I made it out of cans sitting around the meteor. For a meteor that has a crapton of nifty shit, it sure got boring pretty quickly.

I guess, but who would nab us? That seems really dumb, and I don't think that we could have taken a wrong turn with the ship.

[Neither does he but you don't see him complaining. He leans down to pick up his hammer where he'd left it on the ground, hefting it easily to one shoulder and looks around.] This place kinda looks destroyed, Dave.

[He's just going to brush off that quip.]

You really must have been bored if you were playing with cans, haha.

John. I stole money from a bunch of reptiles and your had a pet salamander named Casey. I seriously doube it matters who tried nabbing us because we kind of broke whatever laws and physics within twenty four hours.

[Dave looks around.] No shit. I could have told you that, but I was hoping you'd figure it out yourself. Do you want a gold start with that deduction?

It's been a year. Unless you're interested in listening to Karkat and his terrible shipping advice. Did you know he tried to make another shipping square or quadrangle or whatever the fuck. The guy is a menace.

So we were kidnapped to a destroyed world? I wonder whose it is. Do you think it is Earth?

[He laughs.]

I think that Jade and I will probably have plenty to do for three years! I don't think we will be bored once we start our journey. Uh... Whenever that happens now.

It looks like an Earth? I mean, does it matter? Wherever we are, it isn't where we want to be.

[You can't see him roll his eyes behind his shades.]

John. You left me with a bunch of trolls and my ectosis or whatever. How could you do that to me? If I'm not having relationship woes because Karkat is an idiot, I have to deal with Rose and her psychoanalyzi-oh wait I should get you up to speed huh. We basically got everything written down. Or she did. Rose went all Seer of Light and started piecing together how the next session is gonna be like and how we're gonna basically launch ourselves in to be a couple of badasses.

It kind of matters, Dave! We are probably really off course now?

[John listens, but it's just a lot more stuff to pile on to that whole three year business and it's weird because Dave is like a year older than him now? He's going to just not focus on the stuff about the game.]

I was kinda thinking about joining you guys, but I couldn't just leave Jade with a bunch of consorts and Dave - er, Dave sprite? I mean, it would have been mean to subject her to him alone for three years.

What matters is getting back on track. Or figuring out how to get our shit back at least. I guess we should ask around about the whole chip thing, but let's try and settle a bit first.

[Oh hey. Dave can be responsible.]

Naw, it's cool. I mean, it would have been awesome. Three years is a long time to keep a bro waiting. I mean, it's technically only been a year and suddenly we're meeting in person in a shitty place that looks like some generic setting for some horror game. [Okay, he's kind of jealous that Davesprite gets to chill with John and he technically wasn't supposed to meet him for three years.] You're probably better off on the ship. Kanaya wants to kill Gamzee, who stole all the corpses and is hiding who the fuck even knows. Karkat knows I'm pretty sure. Also, I think I might be kind of stuck in some trollmance I don't want to be part of.

Well, if we can figure out where we are then we might have a better chance of figuring out how to get back where we are supposed to be. Or something like that?

[Wow look at these boys being responsible right now. It will probably last all of two seconds.]

It sort of sucks that we couldn't bring you guys onto the ship. The meteor sounds kinda hectic with all the troll stuff going on! Trollmance with who, dude? [Implying someone might actually be able to put up with Dave for that long. Snickering.]

These connect to a network right? I'm sure we won't have any trouble at all. There's got to be other people hanging around.

[They've overdid themselves already.]

Just messing around with Terezi. It's seriously not that big of a deal, although Karkat might say otherwise. He wanted to schedule some threesome thing where we all take turns together? Fuck, it was stupid and hnrghhh we're not talking about this anymore.

I guess they do! That is a really useful thing to give us and I'm not sure why kidnappers would give us something like this.

[Conversations deteriorating into stupid in 3...]

Whoa, seriously? You and Terezi? And uh... Karkat? Wow, that seems kind of intense!

Misery likes company. Man, fuck if I know.

[You mean it hadn't already?]

It's nothing. We're just messing around. I mean, she's cool and all, but we're like total friends. Also, we're not talking about Karkat and me. That isn't a thing that's ever gonna happen. It's stupid is what it is. If he wants Terezi, than whatever. That has nothing to do with me. Nor does trying to make me read a trollmance novel with two beefcakes all up in each others business.

I've seen terrible things, John. Things I can't ever unsee.

[Yeah it pretty much had I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.]

Haha, dude, your life sounds so rough. [Snickering and looking like he is totally taking these entire thing seriously. Not.]

Did he seriously try to make you read a book on troll romance? That stuff is already confusing, reading about it would just be even more confusing.

Fuck off man. Being me is hard and nobody understands. [He's still trying to find Gamzee man.]

No. You know all those trashy romance novels? The really terrible ones that's mostly just sex to fulfill a woman's desires by throwing a hot, perfect dude into a book with an equally attractive lady. And then they fucked was basically the entire plotline.

Now think of that in troll terms. So basically everyone was having sex with each other because they had that, I don't know, matespit or kissmyass quadrants. Hnrghh. Look. It was bad. It was like some buff dude grinding up against another dude while they were trying to snag the attractive lady between him and another attractive lady. That was the cover. It wasn't even the actual text. This was the fucking cover. Do you understand Egbert? The nightmare fuel that wormed its way has basically made itself at home for the rest of my unfortunate life.

Uhh... Why does he even have something like that?

[He doesn't want to think about it in troll terms, that just makes it really hard to try to grasp. Quadrants man, how the fuck do they work.]

John. This is Karkat we're talking about. The same troll who says he's an expert at romance.

I think he said that before. I forget. I mean, there must be a reason why he actually enjoys Adam Sandler...troll Adam Sandler? Ugh fuck. Whatever. But did you know he watches those romcoms religiously?

[Please save him John. You're his only hope.]

Yeah, but I didn't really think he would... You know, read trashy novels and stuff. They are not even written well.

I guess I kinda expected the romcom watching, though.

You obviously underestimated how terrible Karkat's tastes.

It's basically at the point where I would actually enjoy Con Air than deal with whatever he tries to shove down my throat. I really don't want him shoving anything down my throat.

That's what she said. [He had too man. It was clearly set up for that joke.]

I guess so.

[Oh no, Dave, why would you even say that.]

Seriously? So you will watch Con Air with me if we can find a working tv?

Also, dude, you're supposed to let someone else make that joke, not do it yourself. That makes it lame.

[Fuck his life.]

You know what? You find a working tv that will play it. I will sit with you and watch it. [Because it's been a year since he's spoken to you.] I have not had your Nic Cage boner in a year, dude. I will basically do whatever.

I wasn't going to trust you to say it for me.

I don't have a Nic Cage boner! That's gross, Dave.

And that doesn't make it any less lame that you said it for yourself.

John, everyone and their ectorelation knows you have a Nic Cage boner. It's not exactly a secret.

It wasn't lame.

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