Twelfth Report; Father's Day

[abstruse]

((Audio;))
Father's day! Ah, a lovely day, I will say; remembering the male who, hopefully, raised us all with love and care. No, I'm not about to ask all of you about your fathers--I'm not really the intrusive sort, though...! I do have a sort of puzzle for all of you. It's one that I would love to tell my own father.


PUZZLE 011: Two masked men

The puzzle works like this. I'm going to tell you a scenario, and using yes or no questions you must deduce exactly what is happening in this situation. I can only answer yes or no--or other variants of those two answers--so make sure to ask the right questions! No limit to how many you ask, of course... Here's your scenario:

A man leaves home and, after making three left turns, he ends up back at home, and finds two masked men waiting for him.

So, can you deduce what's happening here?

((ooc; wow i forgot to add that this is audio. Okay whatever i just like my htmls.))

Comments

text;

[legality]

1TS 4 P4RTY

Re: text;

[abstruse]

It will be for some, but I'm afraid that we aren't talking about the aftermath in this case.

text;

[legality]

N3W RUL3 FOR 4LL PUZZL3S YOU 1SSU3 FROM H3NC3FORTH
34CH SC3N4R1O MUST 1NCLUD3 4 P4RTY
OTH3RW1S3 1 W1LL B3 GR34TLY D1S4PPO1NT3D
>:o

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Hmm.
Well, I can work on it, though not all the puzzles I know include parties.
Then again there are quite a number that do as well.

text;

[legality]

YOULL JUST H4V3 TO G3T CR34T1V3 W1TH TH3 ON3S L4CK1NG 1N SUFF1C3NT NUMB3RS OF P4RTY, NOW WONT YOU???

Re: text;

[abstruse]

And if not? What consequences should I fear?

text;

[legality]

WH4T WOULD YOU L1K3 TO F34R
1 4M V3RY GOOD 1N STR1K1NG F34R 1NTO THOS3 WHO DONT FOLLOW TH3 RUL3S
>;]

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Oh, please! If I had to tell you what I fear, it would seem you were merely a novice, unable to root out the darkest, most uncertain parts of human nature.

text;

[legality]

H3Y NOW
1M 4 W3LL M4NN3R3D L4DY
1TS 4LW4YS POL1T3 TO 4SK B3FOR3 SN1FF1NG 4ROUND

Re: text;

[abstruse]

You have me curious now. Perhaps I should skip the parties just to see how well you are at 'sniffing' out this fear.

text;

[legality]

H3R3S 4 L1TTL3 H1NT
F34R 1S MY S3COND F4VOR1T3 SC3NT
1T 1S 4BSOLUT3LY P4NNUMB1NGLY D3L1C1OUS

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Only second?

((Moreover: Pannumbingly? He has to chuckle; what an odd phrase.))

text;

[legality]

ONLY S3COND!

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Even your own fear?

text;

[legality]

WHO S4YS 1 H4V3 F34R??
1 B3L13V3 TH4T M1GHT B3 CL4SS1F13D 4S TH3 1LL3G4L 4CT OF SL4ND3R!
MY RIDDL1NG FR13ND, COULD 1T B3 TH4T P3RH4PS...
GOODN3SS GR4C1OUS SW33T MOTH3R GRUB 4BOV3
YOU L1K3 BR34K1NG TH3 L4W???

Re: text;

[abstruse]

((Yes, always.))

Nonsense! That would be ungentlemanly. Aside from that, we have no laws established here.

text;

[legality]

[ "Unfortunately, this SME-music-content is not available in Germany because GEMA has not granted the respective music publishing rights." ]

1T 1S 4 V3RY SP3C1F1C L4W TH4T 1S PR3S3NT 1N 4LL R34L1T13S
R3G4RDL3SS OF 4CTU4L L3G4L ST4TUS
1TS C4LL3D TH3 5TH L4W OF PHYS1CS: DONT B3 4 DOUCH3B4G!!!!!!
1T 1S N3V3R NOT 3ST4BL1SH3D

Re: text;

[abstruse]

((I am going to slay german copyright laws with my law slaying fists. And wow do you actually get that in english MINE WAS ALWAYS IN GERMAN weeps.))

Ah! I wasn't aware; unfortunately I've only had to deal with two realities, both of which were, and are, quite lawless and very full of, as you say, "douchebags".

...Though, I'll give Discedo credit, its levels are much lower.

text;

[legality]

[ I think GEMA realizes that if they add insult to injury, I will literally fuck their shit up and will not stop fucking their shit up until not a single shit remains unfucked up. ]

1M T3RR1BLY SORRY FOR YOUR TR4UM4T1Z1NG DOUCH3B4G R34L1T13S
BUT YOU MUST CONT1NU3 TO DO YOUR P4RT 1N K33P1NG TH3 DOUCH3RY OUT OF D1SC3DO
W3 MUST B3 FR33D FROM DOUCH3B4G TYR4NN13S!!
W3 MUST GO UNMOL3ST3D DUR1NG BOTH D4Y 4ND N1GHT BY TH3 H4RSH WORDS OF 4 W4YW4RD DOUCH3!
W3 MUST UN1T3 1N SOL1D4R1TY 4ND COOLN3SS 1N ORD3R TO K33P TH3 DOUCH3S 4 B4Y!

Re: text;

[abstruse]

So, then, if douchebaggery is against the law, the scientists are our most wanted then, no?

text;

[legality]

H4V3NT M3T 3M Y3T
SO 1 C4NT P4SS JUDG3M3NT

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Fair enough, but all the more reason to hunt them down, no? If by meeting them we can pass judgement, then I say why not. ((Obviously, he's all about hattin on them scientists and huntin em down.))

text;

[legality]

L3TS LOOK 4T TH1S LOG1C4LLY
TH3Y H4V3 COMM1TT3D TWO CR1M3S
1 TH3Y BROUGHT US H3R3 4PP4R3NTLY
2 TH3Y PUT TH3 CH1P TH1NG 1N US

NE1TH3R OF TH3S3 TH1NGS 4R3 B4D TO M3
1N F4CT 1M 4LMOST T3MPT3D TO TH4NK TH3M!!!
P3RH4PS TH3Y 4R3NOT DOUCH3B4GS 4T 4LL
P3RH4PS TH3YR3 R34LLY JUST M1SUND3RSTOOD!
(H3H3H3)

Re: text;

[abstruse]

Ah! Of course.
And perhaps they really are just a bunch of crazy shippers trying to get us to repopulate the city.
I'll take note of this.

text;

[legality]

YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY 4SK TO R34D TH31R F4NF1CT1ON
1 B3T 1T G3TS PR3TTY ST34MY