( voice; )

[shadesofred]

I think this is a long overdue announcement. My girly heart just can't bear this secret anymore! Or something stupid like that. My heart's actually been still for like, a thousand years now, so it's more full of coagulated blood and maggots than secrets. But I guess that's why it can't bear it anymore! It's too frail from all the creepy-crawlies eating it!

[ She is having way too much fun with this. Actually, she usually has fun with elaborate blackmail schemes, but it's been a while since she's had a whole audience to mess with. Marceline gives a dramatic sigh––you know, the kind you'd hear from the ~damsel in distress~ in a particularly old movie. ]

World, get ready for a shocker, because here it comes: I, Marceline the Vampire Queen, am the girlfriend of Sadiq What's-his-Face.

[ From the way she's talking, you can pretty much imagine her doing this. ]

He's just as scrumptious as a strawberry cupcake! Underneath his jerky exterior, there's a man with a heart of gold and cinnamon and whatever else you can imagine that's awesome. We hold hands all the time. It's fantabulous. I don't even mind that he's so sweaty.

So why am I telling you all this? Oh, no reason! Just thought I'd bring a little light into your dismal lives. And to prove that not all vampires are heartless maneaters. I'm sure my schnookems will readily agree.

[ Yeah she's semi up to date on current events. Hey, may as well make the most of this arrangement. (Not that she really cares if people view her badly but some days it's good to know that garlic won't be thrown at you.) ]

That's all. You can all continue on with your daily routines now.

Comments

[scimitar]

Not even.

'Less ya've convinced yerself it's impossible for me to win, in which case I've got news for ya!

[eyeforaneye]

She did not know your full name!

[scimitar]

So? Neither do most 'a the people here!

[eyeforaneye]

[ OBJECTION! ]

Your girlfriend, too?

[scimitar]

Depends. Which name we talkin' here?

[eyeforaneye]

"Sadiq What's-his-face" is not a name.

[scimitar]

Sure it is! Even pseudonyms can be names.

[eyeforaneye]

... Kiss her then, if you are so close. Film that.

[ He's really reaching here. ]

[scimitar]

Ehhh..

What next? Ya gonna ask us to film a pornography?

[eyeforaneye]

. . . No. [ Dammit, Turkey! ]

I just know that you are lying.

[scimitar]

... We can kiss, if ya really need to see that.

[eyeforaneye]

I do not want to see it, I just need to know.

[scimitar]

Ya clearly really wanna see that.

... why do I have no other mildly embarrassed icons

[eyeforaneye]

Tch! What a pain...

I do not.

HAHAH

[scimitar]

I can see the burnin' need in yer hypothetical eyes.

wgohi

[eyeforaneye]

[ There's a brief pause as he cheats consults with Clive on the other end, seeing as how clearly more people need to be involved. ]

Stop it. Are you going to film it or not?

[scimitar]

Sure!

[ARE YOU READY, MARCELINE, BECAUSE HE SURE AIN'T.]

[eyeforaneye]

[ WATCHING. ]

[shadesofred]

[ YOU ASKED FOR IT.

Marceline drops her own little communicator thingy in favor of sauntering over to Turkey and in full view of his comm. Now, Marceline has standards, but sometimes in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, you gotta do what you gotta do. (And if she was honest with herself, yeah, Turkey's attractive and not 13, so no harm done. This could actually be fun!)

With slow grace, she places two fingers under Turkey's chin, turns his head to her, and gives him a soft kiss on the lips. She's smiling all the while.

Then she pushes forward. Her fangs cuts his bottom lip, but no matter, because he might be more startled by her slipping him the tongue. Give her credit for not doing things half-assed.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha that is what she is doing on the inside.

Finally she pulls away, licking Turkey's blood away from her own lips, and smiles at the camera. ]

Sorry Mr. Voyeur, but that's going to have to suffice. I'm not getting naked for you.

oh god owhiegkl

[eyeforaneye]

[ He's just... going to watch this display silently, almost cracking and changing his expression but he holds onto it bravely.

... Surely the bite wasn't necessary. Nor the excessive tongue action, but he honestly isn't sure of how to judge the authenticity of what he's seeing. ]

Che... That is the last thing I would want to see.

[shadesofred]

I smell denial.

[eyeforaneye]

It is the truth--!

[shadesofred]

Now who's the liar?

[eyeforaneye]

Do not say that.

[shadesofred]

Hey, I don't know you. For all I know you could be lying.