discedo | ≈ first breath; voice

[Static starts across the voice feed, followed by some mumbling. It seems someone accidentally clicked it on while they were fiddling with the device.]

Dude, do you remember alchemizing these? I don't remember anything like this in my sylladex... Man, speaking of, where is my sylladex?

Why are you asking me? My sylladex launched my sword into the closest tree it could find. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to yank it out with a broken foot? Thanks by the way. I really wanted my toes to get touchy with your hammer. You don't even know. I'm going to get some heinous infection all up in this shit and you're going to have to amputate my foot to save my life or something. Except I refuse, but then we'll get attacked by a swarm of who the fuck even knows and tragically take them down, going down with them. You'll weep over my bloodied corpse. Why Dave? How could you leave me? You were the only bro I could have ever had such a rad bromance with. Now I have nothing. Sweet delicious tears. [Yeah, Dave has no idea where he's going with this too.]

[There's a snort and laughter from the other voice, and even without seeing it's pretty obvious someone is rolling their eyes.]

That didn't even make sense, Dave! But I guess I am sorry that the princess got his foot broken by a hammer that is not even that heavy. Can you ever forgive me?

I take offense to that. How dare you not keep my fragile, maiden tendencies to heart. I have a very delicate complexion going on. But I'll forgive you because I love you. Seriously though, where the fuck are we? I'm two years too early to be wherever we're supposed to be. Fuck if I know. Everything is kind of vague and I think I stopped giving a shit or two since nearly being a victim of trashy novels involving foursomes.

[There's a rustle of fabric. Dave had plopped down next to John, even if you can't see it.] What are you doing?

I am trying to figure out how this thing works. And I am pretty sure I am three years too early to be at the new session. Jade said it would take that long and I just sent you guys that letter. And isn't it kinda weird that we are the only ones here?

[There's more rustling as John fiddles with the functions, turning the communicator over in his hand.] Whoa! I think this thing is on.

Oh my god. You didn't get to see Karkat freak out. It was like the most embarrassing thing. You literally nailed him in the face and he had some major mental breakdown and everything.

Oh shit really? Ok. That's cool I guess. Ask someone where we are. Also if they have a can opener.

Haha, oh man, really? That sounds like something worth seeing! Ok, ok, uhh... Hello? Can anyone hear us? [He's not going to ask your dumb question about the can opener, Dave.]

[ooc| john is in blue, dave is in red!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

IN THREE YEARS YOU WILL STILL BE SAME SMIRKING PILE OF FILTH YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN.

NOW LISTEN CLOSELY STRIDER
OR READ CLOSELY, WHATEVER:
HERE IS THE POINT WHERE I COULD IRREPARABLY FUCK WITH YOU.
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR... WHAT? A HUMAN YEAR, GIVE OR TAKE? WITH EXCEPTION OF ONE PERIOD OF ABSENCE
BUT THE POINT IS I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A WHOLE FUCKING LOT YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE
AND I'VE GOT SOME VAGUE IDEA OF HOW SHIT WORKS AROUND HERE.
I COULD TELL YOU EVERYTHING WRONG
AND YOU WOULD BE NONE THE WISER
BUT THIS TIME
THIS TIME
I WILL SHOW YOU MERCY
AND I WON'T BE A FLAGRANT ASSHOLE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING A DICK AND MAKING YOUR LIFE MORE MISERABLE THAN IT ALREADY IS AND WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BECOME.
AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO PUNCH YOU SQUARE IN THE SOLAR PLEXUS
I'M GIVING THIS WHOLE "BEING HELPFUL" SHIT A LEGITIMATE EFFORT.

AS FAR AS THE MICROCHIPS ARE CONCERNED, NO, THEIR REMOVAL DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T BE REVIVED IF YOU DIE.
IT JUST MEANS THAT YOU WILL HAVE THE CHIP REIMPLANTED IN YOUR BODY UPON RESPAWNING
SO THEN YOU'RE RIGHT BACK AT SQUARE ONE WITH NO STRENGTH OR SPECIAL ABILITIES.
YOU'LL QUICKLY FIND THAT THIS PLACE SOMEHOW RESTS UPON ON MULTIPLE PARADOXES, YET DOESN'T UNRAVEL OR SHOW TOO MUCH IN WAY OF CONTRADICTION.
FOR EXAMPLE
I THINK THE NEWS BROADCASTERS ARE GHOSTS, CONSIDERING THEY'VE MENTIONED SHIT LIKE "WHEN I WAS ALIVE."
EITHER THAT OR THEY'RE ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT SKINS YOU ALIVE AND STEALS YOUR IDENTITY.
OR SOMETHING ELSE.
YEAH THERE'S SOME PRETTY FUCKED UP SHIT HERE AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE HALF OF IT.

AND NO.
THE POSSUMS MUST BE DEFEATED.
THEY MUST MEET THE TRUE DEATH.
I MEAN I'VE BITTEN THEM IN OUR BLOODY FIGHTS AND THEY DID THE SAME
AND I'M NOT DEAD.
THEY MIGHT HAVE POISONED ME BUT IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S ANYTHING DETRIMENTAL.

[ hint: it's not poison it's typhus ]

harsh
i havent even done anything sheesh

you know if i really doubted you
id just ask other people
its not like there arent others around
but i actually trust and believe you
fancy that
other than being incredibly obnoxious
you hadnt actually tried doing anything that would suddenly scream a dirty fucking liar to me
plus terezi trusts you
and you havent tried killing me within the year of traveling on a shitty meteor
but you did try shoving a trash romance novel down my throat
that isnt cool
id appreciate if you didnt try to do that again
js
but id hope that a year worth of traveling together
would actually mean something
what the hell am i saying
of course not
were never not gonna stop fucking with each other
no matter how much we try to be chill with each other

ok wait
no
removing the chip means that our powers come back
so how does immortality come into play?
forget it
im not gonna bother chancing it anyways
what
wait
hold the fucking phone
what

defeating possums doesnt meant biting them holy shit
you know theyre basically covered in diseases
human diseases
you probably got really fucking sense
youre lucky you didnt get rabies
holy shit

TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, STRIDER
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE DID SPONTANEOUSLY STOP FUCKING WITH EACH OTHER.
THAT WOULD PROBABLY SIGNAL THE END OF THE UNIVERSE.
THE END OF EVERY UNIVERSE.
EVEN IN A VOID OF NOTHINGNESS, THE REMNANTS OF OUR EXISTENCE,
OUR SOULS,
THE ECHOING MEMORIES OF OUR FORMER LIVES,
WOULD STILL BE FUCKING WITH EACH OTHER.
ONLY IN A STATE BEYOND NOTHINGNESS WOULD WE NOT BEING FUCKING WITH EACH OTHER.
IN ORDER FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, A CRACK IN SPACE/TIME WOULD HAVE TO OPEN UP
SWALLOW US BOTH WHOLE
AND ERASE EVERY TRACE OF OUR EXISTENCE IN ANY TIME.

THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S WISE OR NOT THAT YOU TRUST ME.
AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I TRUST YOU.
JUST
GUH.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDASKLJEGLR;THY
WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE TO BRING THAT UP?
I'M NOT IN ANY MOOD TO PONDER ON SHIT LIKE BEGRUDGING RESPECT OR TRUST OR
JUST WHY.
NO.
I'M NOT FOCUSING ON THIS RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING: I'M GOING TO CONTINUE FEEDING YOU INFORMATION WHILE SILENTLY STEWING IN FURY THAT YOU SHOWED UP.
AND YOU ARE GOING TO SIT THERE AND ACCEPT MY IRRATIONAL RAGE.
YOU ARE GOING TO SIT THERE AND YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE IT.

THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT IS THAT IMMORTALITY DOESN'T COME INTO PLAY.
YOU CAN STILL DIE.
UNLESS YOU ARE DEFINING IMMORTALITY AS BEING UNABLE TO DIE PERMANENTLY
IN WHICH CASE WE'RE SIMPLY PUT BACK TOGETHER LIKE A MACABRE PUZZLE BY THE SCIENTISTS WHO RUN THIS HELLHOLE.
OR SO IT SEEMS.

NO I'M NOT.
I'M RIDDLED WITH DISEASE-FIGHTING ANTIBODIES.
THEY FIGHT THE RABIES.
I AM IMMUNE TO THE RABIES.
BRING ON THE RABIES I WILL BITE IT TOO.

wow
forget i even mentioned that
was not expecting some longwinded reply back about the universes ending at the sheer thought of us not fucking with each other
i mean
believe it or not
i know how to give space once in awhile
its a very rare occasion
once in the blue moon
but sometimes i just get those feels where im like
yo dawg
gotta back up a bit
karkat is losing his shit
better leave him in his fit
let him gather all his wit
...
anyways
yeah i get it
got it
good

k
cool story
i will just believe you when you tell me things
you will be irrationally angered for no reason
i thing i can dig this

that sucks
you didnt die before did you?

[Concerned? Oh hell no. He's not concerned. That's silly talk.]

uh
rabies is a disease and you cant bite it
believe it or not
i mean you can bite whatever has it
but i really would advise not to
they dont usually take to being bitten
nor should you bite them
im all for testing fate and all
but thats ridiculously stupid

MY MIND WENT BLANK AS SOON AS I READ "DAWG."
WHATEVER PROCEEDED WAS JUST SO AWFUL I MUST'VE BLOCKED IT OUT AS A COPING MECHANISM.

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION YES I'VE DIED BEFORE.
TWICE.
BOTH AT THE HANDS OF RAINBOW DRINKERS
ALSO KNOWN AS VAMPIRES.
THE FIRST TIME IS KINDA SCARY BUT BY THE SECOND TIME
YOU LEARN TO JUST WALLOW IN BOREDOM AND MUD AS YOU WAIT FOR THINGS TO FADE TO BLACK.
THEN YOU WAKE UP IN PERFECT FUCKING SHAPE.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO SEE JOHN OR TEREZI OR EVEN YOU GET YOUR THROAT RIPPED OUT.
YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I TEND TO FLIP MY SHIT WHEN FRIENDS DIE.
IT'S EMBARRASSING BUT CONSISTENT.

[ He should be concerned because IT'LL PROBABLY HAPPEN AGAIN. also I swear if any other homestucks die he is going to bawl. ]

YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME IF YOU ASSUME I WON'T FIND A WAY TO BITE RABIES.
ANYWAY IT'S TOO LATE I ALREADY BIT THAT OPOSSUM SEVERAL TIMES.
FUCKER DESERVES IT FOR EATING MY FOOD.
I HOPE I GAVE IT EVERY DISEASE POSSIBLE.

oh

[He successfully doesn't freak out at all. Damn, he's proud of himself. But he does actually feel kind of bad because dying sucks. But he won't actually say that to you. Nope. But it means he'll make sure ti doesn't happen again. Or try at least.]

do trolls even carry diseases
ugh you know what
just go keep biting them
im not even gonna try and stop you
just get rid of them
or is your place just so utterly infested with them

≈ first breath; voice

[text] Karkat, meanwhile, is on the verge of an aneurism

[text] That's not Dave's fault! He didn't do anything this time.

[text] he exists. that is enough for karkat.

[text] dont start going black for him gosh

[text] sorry dave there is only one person karkat flushes black for: himself

[text] no one wants to be black with karkat anyways