hammerkinds: (Default)
John Egbert [EB] ectoBiologist ([personal profile] hammerkinds) wrote in [community profile] discedo2012-06-11 10:20 pm

≈ first breath; voice

[Static starts across the voice feed, followed by some mumbling. It seems someone accidentally clicked it on while they were fiddling with the device.]

Dude, do you remember alchemizing these? I don't remember anything like this in my sylladex... Man, speaking of, where is my sylladex?

Why are you asking me? My sylladex launched my sword into the closest tree it could find. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it was to yank it out with a broken foot? Thanks by the way. I really wanted my toes to get touchy with your hammer. You don't even know. I'm going to get some heinous infection all up in this shit and you're going to have to amputate my foot to save my life or something. Except I refuse, but then we'll get attacked by a swarm of who the fuck even knows and tragically take them down, going down with them. You'll weep over my bloodied corpse. Why Dave? How could you leave me? You were the only bro I could have ever had such a rad bromance with. Now I have nothing. Sweet delicious tears. [Yeah, Dave has no idea where he's going with this too.]

[There's a snort and laughter from the other voice, and even without seeing it's pretty obvious someone is rolling their eyes.]

That didn't even make sense, Dave! But I guess I am sorry that the princess got his foot broken by a hammer that is not even that heavy. Can you ever forgive me?

I take offense to that. How dare you not keep my fragile, maiden tendencies to heart. I have a very delicate complexion going on. But I'll forgive you because I love you. Seriously though, where the fuck are we? I'm two years too early to be wherever we're supposed to be. Fuck if I know. Everything is kind of vague and I think I stopped giving a shit or two since nearly being a victim of trashy novels involving foursomes.

[There's a rustle of fabric. Dave had plopped down next to John, even if you can't see it.] What are you doing?

I am trying to figure out how this thing works. And I am pretty sure I am three years too early to be at the new session. Jade said it would take that long and I just sent you guys that letter. And isn't it kinda weird that we are the only ones here?

[There's more rustling as John fiddles with the functions, turning the communicator over in his hand.] Whoa! I think this thing is on.

Oh my god. You didn't get to see Karkat freak out. It was like the most embarrassing thing. You literally nailed him in the face and he had some major mental breakdown and everything.

Oh shit really? Ok. That's cool I guess. Ask someone where we are. Also if they have a can opener.


Haha, oh man, really? That sounds like something worth seeing! Ok, ok, uhh... Hello? Can anyone hear us? [He's not going to ask your dumb question about the can opener, Dave.]

[ooc| john is in blue, dave is in red!]
knightime: Art by Feastings (!)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-12 12:48 pm (UTC)(link)
It looks like an Earth? I mean, does it matter? Wherever we are, it isn't where we want to be.

[You can't see him roll his eyes behind his shades.]

John. You left me with a bunch of trolls and my ectosis or whatever. How could you do that to me? If I'm not having relationship woes because Karkat is an idiot, I have to deal with Rose and her psychoanalyzi-oh wait I should get you up to speed huh. We basically got everything written down. Or she did. Rose went all Seer of Light and started piecing together how the next session is gonna be like and how we're gonna basically launch ourselves in to be a couple of badasses.
knightime: Art by averyniceprince (ewww)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-12 01:38 pm (UTC)(link)
What matters is getting back on track. Or figuring out how to get our shit back at least. I guess we should ask around about the whole chip thing, but let's try and settle a bit first.

[Oh hey. Dave can be responsible.]

Naw, it's cool. I mean, it would have been awesome. Three years is a long time to keep a bro waiting. I mean, it's technically only been a year and suddenly we're meeting in person in a shitty place that looks like some generic setting for some horror game. [Okay, he's kind of jealous that Davesprite gets to chill with John and he technically wasn't supposed to meet him for three years.] You're probably better off on the ship. Kanaya wants to kill Gamzee, who stole all the corpses and is hiding who the fuck even knows. Karkat knows I'm pretty sure. Also, I think I might be kind of stuck in some trollmance I don't want to be part of.
knightime: Art by Feastings (dumbass)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-13 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
These connect to a network right? I'm sure we won't have any trouble at all. There's got to be other people hanging around.

[They've overdid themselves already.]

Just messing around with Terezi. It's seriously not that big of a deal, although Karkat might say otherwise. He wanted to schedule some threesome thing where we all take turns together? Fuck, it was stupid and hnrghhh we're not talking about this anymore.
knightime: Art by Hussie (jegus youre dumb)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-14 01:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Misery likes company. Man, fuck if I know.

[You mean it hadn't already?]

It's nothing. We're just messing around. I mean, she's cool and all, but we're like total friends. Also, we're not talking about Karkat and me. That isn't a thing that's ever gonna happen. It's stupid is what it is. If he wants Terezi, than whatever. That has nothing to do with me. Nor does trying to make me read a trollmance novel with two beefcakes all up in each others business.

I've seen terrible things, John. Things I can't ever unsee.
knightime: Art by kanda3egle (what is this hot mess)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-14 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Fuck off man. Being me is hard and nobody understands. [He's still trying to find Gamzee man.]

No. You know all those trashy romance novels? The really terrible ones that's mostly just sex to fulfill a woman's desires by throwing a hot, perfect dude into a book with an equally attractive lady. And then they fucked was basically the entire plotline.

Now think of that in troll terms. So basically everyone was having sex with each other because they had that, I don't know, matespit or kissmyass quadrants. Hnrghh. Look. It was bad. It was like some buff dude grinding up against another dude while they were trying to snag the attractive lady between him and another attractive lady. That was the cover. It wasn't even the actual text. This was the fucking cover. Do you understand Egbert? The nightmare fuel that wormed its way has basically made itself at home for the rest of my unfortunate life.
knightime: Art by yummytomatoes (thie shit is that man)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-14 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
John. This is Karkat we're talking about. The same troll who says he's an expert at romance.

I think he said that before. I forget. I mean, there must be a reason why he actually enjoys Adam Sandler...troll Adam Sandler? Ugh fuck. Whatever. But did you know he watches those romcoms religiously?

[Please save him John. You're his only hope.]
knightime: Artist Unknown (ew man)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-14 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
You obviously underestimated how terrible Karkat's tastes.

It's basically at the point where I would actually enjoy Con Air than deal with whatever he tries to shove down my throat. I really don't want him shoving anything down my throat.

That's what she said. [He had too man. It was clearly set up for that joke.]
knightime: Art by kanda3egle (oh fuck here we go again)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-14 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[Fuck his life.]

You know what? You find a working tv that will play it. I will sit with you and watch it. [Because it's been a year since he's spoken to you.] I have not had your Nic Cage boner in a year, dude. I will basically do whatever.

I wasn't going to trust you to say it for me.
knightime: Artist Unknown (good job fucko)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-18 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
John, everyone and their ectorelation knows you have a Nic Cage boner. It's not exactly a secret.

It wasn't lame.
knightime: Artist Unknown (NO)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-20 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
No. You're the lame one. [Bluh. Fine. But if they can't talk about your Nic Cage boner, than they don't talk about Dave being lame.

Not that he is lame. You're lame. Shut up.
]
knightime: Artist Unknown (cool kid right here)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-22 10:26 am (UTC)(link)
Stop talking about yourself. You should be more positive. Look at me, I am basically as cool as fucking cool gets.
knightime: Art by feastings (seduction is my middle name)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-24 09:45 am (UTC)(link)
Are you calling me hot, John? I thought you were all about being a no homo. Or has that changed? [You walked into that one.]
knightime: Art by kanda3egle (your shit is wrecked)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-06-28 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[Come on, don't be hating.]

Damn right, but I'll try to keep it down for your sake.

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