( video/action ) the latest 4th wall post ever

[starspangledhero]

Major deja vu goin' on. Big ol' influx of people outta nowhere? That sure isn't suspicious.

[ America looks like he's pondering very seriously for a few seconds--like he's trying to remember a dream, but only grasping at faint shadows--but quickly breaks out into a grin. Whatever he was thinking about, it either wasn't important enough to occupy his attention or he's doing a very good job of multitasking. ]

Welp, best get y'all situated huh!

[ He holds up his right hand--scratch that, the fucking chainsaw attached to the stump where his hand should be--and waves. ]

Before I launch into the longest and most unbelievable explanation any of you are gonna have to believe, I gotta ask: if any of you see my hand running around here, let me know. That sucker's devious. But don't worry! It hasn't strangled anyone or touched anyone weird as far as I know!

[ And if you don't run into America himself... well, you're certainly free to run into Thing his severed hand.

Welcome to Hetalia nothing is sense and everything is fuckery. ]

Comments

[Video]

[meilihua]

Umm... about your hand...

[Video]

[starspangledhero]

Yeah?

[Video]

[meilihua]

I think I might have found it...

[Video]

[starspangledhero]

[ His eyes light up at the possibility of finally getting his hand back. ]

You did?! Didja catch it? Try putting a glass bowl over it! That works with really big spiders and scorpions!

[Action]

[captinnuendo]

Disembodied hand, hm? I had one of those once...

[Action]

[starspangledhero]

You too?! [ Do you see the excitement on his face? FINALLY, SOMEONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIS TROUBLES. ]

Man, I thought I was the only one! Usually when people get their hands chopped off, they just lie there. They don't get up and leave. I mean, c'mon, that's just rude. What'd you do about yours?

[Action]

[captinnuendo]

Well, I kept it in a jar for a couple years until the original owner came back to claim it. And then a few years later it spontaneously regenerated into its original self.

[Shrugs, but hey, no biggie]

Captain Jack Harkness, by the way. [Offering a hand] And who are you?

[Action]

[starspangledhero]

[ The more the explanation goes on, the more befuddled America looks. Keeping it in a jar until the guy came back? Reasonable. But respawning into a whole 'nother person...

That would mean two Americas. Two Americas. That shit hasn't gone down since the Civil War according to my own weird reality shhhhh Discedo America abides by this headcanon judge me. He isn't sure what would happen if another America suddenly popped up. The pranking possibilities are pretty sweet...

He so caught up in his daydreaming that it takes him a moment to realize Jack introduced himself. America snaps out of dazing off into nothingness, offering a grin and holding up his own hand--wait no, chainsaw, can't shake that, switching to his actual hand, there we go!--to shake. ]

The United States of America! The one, the only, and the best! [ now isn't that a familiar line. ] But most people just call me America for short. Nice to meetcha, Captain. Cap. Sir. What're you a captain of, may I ask?

action

[chinesesweets]

Yo, America. What's up? Besides the fact that your hand's missing?

[A boy who appears to be seventeen... Long blue and pink hair tied into a low ponytail that reaches the middle of his back... Brown eyes...]

Do you want to bake some sweets? [He's had a bunch of snacks, but he's still hungry.]

action

[starspangledhero]

Uhhhhhh... [ "Do I know you?" he's about to say. Yeah, he's totally not making any connections here. But really, now that he's being offered sweets, he couldn't give a fuck. ]

...hhhhhhhhhSURE! Let's cook something up, whoever you are!

action

[chinesesweets]

I'm Wang Yuèyǐng.

We'll have to save some for Mama, though.

[starspangledknockers]

[this is an action tag. Also, enjoy shrieking and being pointed at by a very battered baseball bat.]

OH MY GOD YOUR HAND!!

[starspangledhero]

[ He'll take that as a good sign ]

I KNOW! AWESOME, RIGHT?

[ Then to make it worse he turns it on. It just fucking turns on. No one knows how this works and no one should care. ]

[starspangledknockers]

[SHRIEKING AGAIN]

THAT'S NOT AWESOME AT ALL!! Oh my God--Oh my God-- TURN IT OFF YOU SICK FREAK! AT LEAST BE CREATIVE IF YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO CHOP SOMEONE TO PIECES!!

[colonist]

Woah.

How'd you make your hand do that?

[starspangledhero]

Better question:

How'd you make your... [ he waves vaguely at America with his chainsaw hand ] ...everything do that. Being me.

[colonist]

Huh? I don't look like you. You have glasses! My vision's perfect!

[ex_fathers728]

Your hand?

[starspangledhero]

[ omg katniss ]

Yeah! You know, just your average white dude hand, five fingers, a ring... well, average except for the fact that it's running around without me attached to it.

[ex_fathers728]

Oh you're married?

And that is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Perhaps you are bored and this is a story?

[ex_echos685]

Veh why would your hand be away from you?

[starspangledhero]

Long story short, it got chopped off and now it's gone rogue. That's why I've got the chainsaw.

[ BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY REPLACING YOUR HAND WITH A MOTORIZE WEAPON IS THE LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION. ]

[travelin_on]

Whoa!

[Can we say EVIL DEAD. That is so BADASS.]

Dude, okay, you are definitely no Bruce Campbell but that is awesome.

[He's not sure how that is even possible but man if he ever lost a hand...]

Wait, your hand is possessed?

[starspangledhero]

[ HAIL TO THE KING, BABY. ]

Thank you. Man, people are just having trouble seeing just how badass this whole chainsaw hand thing is! I guess they're just so overwhelmed with so many feelings they don't know what to do with themselves.

But anyway, I don't think my hand is possessed. It's not acting evil or vicious or anything, it just keeps running around avoiding me. No idea what its deal is.

[travelin_on]

[Okay, NOW he's giving you a look that says he thinks you grew an extra head. Because clearly a Chainsaw hand is NORMAL.]

It didn't occur to you that that is not normal severed hand behavior? They don't just get minds of their own and wander around, what else could it be?