discedo | ( video/action ) the latest 4th wall post ever

Major deja vu goin' on. Big ol' influx of people outta nowhere? That sure isn't suspicious.

[ America looks like he's pondering very seriously for a few seconds--like he's trying to remember a dream, but only grasping at faint shadows--but quickly breaks out into a grin. Whatever he was thinking about, it either wasn't important enough to occupy his attention or he's doing a very good job of multitasking. ]

Welp, best get y'all situated huh!

[ He holds up his right hand--scratch that, the fucking chainsaw attached to the stump where his hand should be--and waves. ]

Before I launch into the longest and most unbelievable explanation any of you are gonna have to believe, I gotta ask: if any of you see my hand running around here, let me know. That sucker's devious. But don't worry! It hasn't strangled anyone or touched anyone weird as far as I know!

[ And if you don't run into America himself... well, you're certainly free to run into ~~Thing~~ his severed hand.

Welcome to Hetalia nothing is sense and everything is fuckery. ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Umm... about your hand...

Disembodied hand, hm? I had one of those once...

Yo, America. What's up? Besides the fact that your hand's missing?

[A boy who appears to be seventeen... Long blue and pink hair tied into a low ponytail that reaches the middle of his back... Brown eyes...]

Do you want to bake some sweets? [He's had a bunch of snacks, but he's still hungry.]

[this is an action tag. Also, enjoy shrieking and being pointed at by a very battered baseball bat.]

OH MY GOD YOUR HAND!!

Woah.

How'd you make your hand do that?

Yeah?

You too?! [ Do you see the excitement on his face? FINALLY, SOMEONE ELSE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIS TROUBLES. ]

Man, I thought I was the only one! Usually when people get their hands chopped off, they just lie there. They don't get up and leave. I mean, c'mon, that's just rude. What'd you do about yours?

Uhhhhhh... [ "Do I know you?" he's about to say. Yeah, he's totally not making any connections here. But really, now that he's being offered sweets, he couldn't give a fuck. ]

...hhhhhhhhhSURE! Let's cook something up, whoever you are!

[ He'll take that as a good sign ]

I KNOW! AWESOME, RIGHT?

[ Then to make it worse he turns it on. It just fucking turns on. No one knows how this works and no one should care. ]

Better question:

How'd you make your... [ he waves vaguely at America with his chainsaw hand ] ...everything do that. Being me.

I'm Wang Yuèyǐng.

We'll have to save some for Mama, though.

[SHRIEKING AGAIN]

THAT'S NOT AWESOME AT ALL!! Oh my God--Oh my God-- TURN IT OFF YOU SICK FREAK! AT LEAST BE CREATIVE IF YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO CHOP SOMEONE TO PIECES!!

Well, I kept it in a jar for a couple years until the original owner came back to claim it. And then a few years later it spontaneously regenerated into its original self.

[Shrugs, but hey, no biggie]

Captain Jack Harkness, by the way. [Offering a hand] And who are you?

I think I might have found it...

[ His eyes light up at the possibility of finally getting his hand back. ]

You did?! Didja catch it? Try putting a glass bowl over it! That works with really big spiders and scorpions!

[ The more the explanation goes on, the more befuddled America looks. Keeping it in a jar until the guy came back? Reasonable. But respawning into a whole 'nother person...

That would mean two Americas. Two Americas. That shit hasn't gone down since the Civil War ~~according to my own weird reality shhhhh Discedo America abides by this headcanon judge me~~. He isn't sure what would happen if another America suddenly popped up. The pranking possibilities are pretty sweet...

He so caught up in his daydreaming that it takes him a moment to realize Jack introduced himself. America snaps out of dazing off into nothingness, offering a grin and holding up his own hand--wait no, chainsaw, can't shake that, switching to his actual hand, there we go!--to shake. ]

The United States of America! The one, the only, and the best! [ now isn't that a familiar line. ] But most people just call me America for short. Nice to meetcha, Captain. Cap. Sir. What're you a captain of, may I ask?

The thing is that...it hasn't really tried running away from me, it just keeps...following me around. [She gets really nervous when she goes to the bathroom now.]

Oh. [ doesn't ring any bells for him, but he'll just smile and accept that this guy has heard of him. ] ...Hi there!

I dunno if I've got enough for three people. I haven't gone out foraging in a while, so all I don't have much left over for baking.

Awwww it likes you!

[ Just ignore all the possible connotations to that, Taiwan. If it follows her in the bathroom it just wants attention!!!! Like a dog or cat that has to follow you everywhere and gets annoyed when you sit down and won't let them into your lap. ]

Next time you've got it near ya, try and hold it still. It's a hand, so... maybe offer a handshake? I dunno, but don't let it escape!

[ He does turn it off, but she only gets a confused, slightly hurt pout. ]

Aw c'mon, it's totally far out! I wasn't trying to chop you to pieces or anything. And I ain't sick. I just have a chainsaw for a hand. That's perfectly oridinary for people of my badass caliber.

Don't worry, I have plenty with me.

[He takes only one of his packs of pre-made cookie dough from the bag that was hanging from his shoulder.]

I also have the ingredients to make some lotus paste-filled bao~

[ he practically starts drooling at the cookie dough. he would eat it raw if no one else was around. ]

You said a lot of words I didn't understand and don't care about, so let's just focus on the cookies.

[Instantly back to normal, pointing at him with the bat again.] Bullshit! If you're that badass you wouldn't even NEED a chainsaw!

... For a hand.

Chainsaws are cool on their own.

[giving this thought now]

I mean you should at least attach a flamethrower if you wanna be original. Seriously dude, that is so Evil Dead it's not even funny!

Nice to meet you, America. [Ugh, that line...] I'm...between ~~space~~ships at the moment. [Wink, wink, take that as you will] You wouldn't happen to have one you could spare, would you?

Ah...hang on a second...

[Here, stare at her wall for a while, America. Eventually she comes back, and shifts the angle of the camera, only then she makes a surprised noise, and the camera shakes]

It's you! Why are you so shy? [She's...clearly not talking to you... Well, not exactly, anyway.]

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