text; 01

[legality]

3V3RYTH1NG 1S W3T 4ND NOTH1NG 1S B34UT1FUL
UGHHHHH
UGH
UGH UGH UGH UUUUGHHH

UGH NUMB3R 1
WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LL SO T3RR1BL3?!?!
1TS L1K3 1 4CC1D3NTLY CR4WL3D 1NTO 4 CO4LM1N3RS ST1NKY 4ND SW34TY 4SSHOL3 4ND 4LSO TH3R3 1S CRUSTY SN1FF NOD3 JU1C3
4ND B4RF
4ND PR3TTY MUCH 3V3RYTH1NG GROSS YOU C4N 3V3R 1M4G1N3
4ND TH3R3 1S NO 3SC4P3



UGH NUMB3R TWO
TH1S 1SNT TROLL14N 4ND WH3R3 1S 4R43N4??
BEC4US3 1M R34LLY ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK TH1S 1SNT TH3 S4M3 DR34M BUBBL3 1 W4S 1N B3FOR3
WH4T TH3 H3CK

UGH NUMBER FUCK MY L1F3
1 4M SO4K3D
TH1S 1S GROSS
1 SM3LL L1K3 UGHGUGHGURHU

UGH NUMB3R M1LL1ON
C4N 4NYON3 3V3N R34D WH4T 1M TYP1NG
OR 1S TH4T JUST 4 TH1NG TH4TS NOT OCCURR1NG 4NYMOR3

UGH NUMB3R WHYYYYYYYYYYY
NO S3R1OUSLY
1S 4NYON3 G3TT1NG MY M3SS4G3S??
1TS RUD3 TO L34V3 4 BL1ND G1RL LOST 4ND CONFUS3D, YOU KNOW!!
(1M LOOK1NG 4T YOU K4RK4T
STOP B31NG SO RUD3 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S GO1NG ON)





(OR D4V3


OR K4N4Y4 OR ROS3 OR 4NYON3 1N G3N3R3L WOULD B3 PR3TTY D4MN N1C3 R1GHT 4BOUT NOW TH4NK YOU!!!!!)

[ Translation: EVERYTHING IS WET AND NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL
UGH x a large amount
WHY DOES EVERYTHING SMELL SO TERRIBLE
ITS LIKE I ACCIDENTLY CRAWLED INTO A COALMINERS STINKY AND SWEATY ASSHOLE AND ALSO THERE IS CRUSTY SNIFF NODE JUICE
AND BARF
AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING GROSS YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE
AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE

UGH NUMBER TWO
THIS ISNT TROLLIAN AND WHERE IS AREANA??
BECAUSE I AM REALLY STARTING TO THINK THIS ISNT THE SAME DREAM BUBBLE I WAS IN BEFORE
WHAT THE HECK

UGH NUMBER FUCK MY LIFE
I AM SOAKED
THIS IS GROSS
I SMELL LIKE URHGURHUGHRUH

UGH NUMBER MILLION
CAN ANYONE EVEN READ WHAT IM TYPING
OR IS THAT JUST A THING THATS NOT OCCURRING ANYMORE

UGH NUMBER WHYYYYYYYY
NO SERIOUSLY IS ANYONE GETTING MY MESSAGES??
ITS RUDE TO LEAVE A BLIND GIRL LOST AND CONFUSED, YOU KNOW!!
(IM LOOKING AT YOU KARKAT
STOP BEIGN RUDE AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

OR DAVE
ORKANAYA OR ROSE OR ANYONE IN GENERAL WOULD BE PRETTY DAMN NICE RIGHT ABOUT NOW THANK YOU!!! ]

Comments

[legality]

Yeah, I would really rather not drown, too. Hehehehe, your well-placed caring has been noted for the court's records! [ Terezi makes motions in front of her like she's taking notes. ]

I can smell it if you're planning something nefarious, but-- [ Sniff, sniff. ] You're not. You're good. Which isn't something I run into a lot.

[bauhinia]

That's gotta be a useful skill. You're like a lie detector or something, yeah? [ And she's right, he's really pretty much harmless. A prankster, yes. But that's mostly reserved for his loving family. :'| Besides, who would be mean to someone who just arrived in this place? ]

[legality]

I can detect a lot more than just lies. But... Hmm. [ She pauses, taking off her glasses and rubbing at her burnt eyes. ] Seems like my weird Seer-y thing isn't working right now. Otherwise, I could tell you all the possible ways you could die!

[bauhinia]

Oh yeah, that's totally because of the chip or something. [ Though, wow. All the ways he could die... that's. Cheery. ] If you had any kind of special ability at home, you can't use it here 'til you get that taken out.

[legality]

How do I get it taken out? Where's the "chip"? [ because hey, seer'ing is impt. ]

[bauhinia]

A doctor has to do it. Not everyone knows where it is. I bet you could find someone who'd help though.

[legality]

[ ugh making a face at that. ]

[bauhinia]

Sorry, I know it's kinda uncool.

[shadesofred]

Depends what you mean by nefarious. A harmless little mayhem here and there is on the schedule, but if we're talking global take over, you can count me out. Never really been one for evilly ruling over some vast domain.

[legality]

WH1L3 C4US1NG M4YH3M 1T 1S V3RY 1MPORT4NT TO FOLLOW TH3 L4W!
DO YOU FOLLOW TH3 L4W


DO3S TH1S PL4C3 3V3N H4V3 4 L4W??
FUCK 1F 1 KNOW

[legality]

Super uncool. Bluh. I guess I can go without being a Seer. Bluh bluh bluh.

[bauhinia]

Can you? I mean, if you really needed it out, I bet we could figure out how to make that happen.

[legality]

Maybe for a little bit. I've only been a seer for one of your human years. Not that long at all. Besides, it'll be a great challenge! Without seeing into your little think sponges, it'll be more fun to figure out how you tick.

action;

[yourgoddamnit]

[ He should've expected this. Why didn't he expect this.

The moment he heard the glass shatter, it felt like his life was in slow motion. For a split second, his comprehension of what was happening managed to outpace reality. Terezi just crashed through the window. There were a few ways he could interpret the situation:

a. A demon that smells like the sewers of hell and with a grin like a leopard's was on trajectory for an imminent collision that was going to hurt. Probably a lot.
b. His potential matespirit, clothes soaking wet and grey skin glistening in the LED glow of the communicator screen was going to get into full body contact with him.

i. This could be better than sloppy make-outs
ii Karkat is probably in the middle of puberty and therefore this is a million times worse.

c. Terezi is more insane than and harder to bear than the cat's whore, Dazzler.

i. This is the obvious conclusion

As he contemplates these options, there is only one expression he wears.



And then CRASH! He's on the floor. Nothing escapes from his mouth but a single fuckword screamed into infinity. ]

action;

[legality]

[ For once in Karkat Vantas' miserable life, he is absolutely correct. All of his hypotheses have come true, and even as he frantically googles the conclusions like I did for every AP Biology lab I wrote, he must feel some level of satisfaction deep in his gut.

No, wait. That's not satisfaction.

That's Terezi's ass, settled rather uncomfortably on his stomach as he lies in some pretty disgusting water. To fully understand our young, grey texted friend here, we must keep in mind that Terezi's entire anatomy can be likened to four katanas, one X-Acto knife, and three pointy sticks all taped together into the semblance of a young troll. Karkat is currently being stabbed in the most brutal and violent manner imaginable. It's a fate Terezi would wish on no one else.

Everything is soggy damp stabs, and nothing is beautiful. ]

Whoops, sorry! Didn't see you there, hehehehe. [ She shoves her nose in his face, sniffing around to check if he smells any different. Besides the sewer water and opossum shit, it's her Karkat. Which is oddly comforting. ]

[bauhinia]

Oh yeah? I'm not a human though, so there's that. Like, if that's interesting to you at all.

video; 1/2

[starspangledhero]

[ There is no losing against America LeBeouf. Only delaying the inevitable. ]

No way! I'll have ya know that I'm a hero-- no, the hero of my world! Granted, me saving people usually involves a lot more weaponry and money, but I can just as easily save people with my own two hands.

Are you sitting down? Because I'm about to tell ya a story that'll blow the lid off your reality.

[ He waits for her to sit down regardless if she's already sitting. ]

Now, this one time I was out in the woods, doin' my thing, expanding my territory and all that. That's when I hear this sound: it's a screech, like the sound you make when you get your hand slammed in the car door. Turned out it was a baby eagle!

And it was in the jaws of a bear.

Did I hesitate to save my symbol of freedom and justice? Do gods hesitate when their children cry out for salvation? No. No to both. I leaped in that situation like a badger pouncing on whatever the badger damn well wants to pounce on. I pried that bear's veracious jowls open, freed the eaglet, and snapped its neck for treason. Also because I was low on cash and bear hide earned a pretty penny back in the day.

video; 2/2

[starspangledhero]

And that's why capitalism is the correct economic policy!

[shadesofred]

You might just have to make the law. Then we'll see if I'm breaking it or not!

action;

[yourgoddamnit]

[ As Karkat lies in the water, semi-submerged and semi-drowning in what can only be described as the devil's diarrhea, he feels a bony ass in his thorax. There was only one word in that sentence that Karkat accepted. The rest of it he cursed to fate for inflicting this sort of shit on him every fucking day.

He is slowly being eviscerated by Terezi's bony ass.

Just the death he'd always dreamed of. No, not at all.

He sputters, trying not to inhale any of the filthy water and flails to prop himself upright. Surprisingly he doesn't try to push her off. Even as he slowly feels his organs being pierced and punctured by her stupidly pointy frame, it's comforting for him too. Memories of his previous stay seemed to slowly ebb back into his consciousness; like a reoccurring dream, it came back to him only as he experienced it. ]

Is that-- [ cough cough sputter ] Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T SEE ME. YOU'RE BLIND. Jegus son of a Linda...

[ "Linda" is now synonymous with "whore." Fight me. ]

Did you know we have a door? There is a door to this hive. Use it. You're not a Franchman, so don't behave like one!

action;

[legality]

[ I am absolutely certain that any son of Linda's would be incredibly proud to call such a strong, upstanding woman his mother. Perhaps he would even follow in her mighty footsteps to glory. I am absolutely certain that everyone would want to follow in her mighty footsteps, but not everyone has the skill, brains, and sheer force of will to follow through. It's okay, though. Your failures are what make you unique. ]

That was a joke, dumpass. The window and my witty comment. It's like I knocked the humor out of you-- Oh wait, you never had any in the first place. [ She would be rolling her eyes if she could. Instead, she's content with "watching" him sputter and gasp for breath. Karkat is so adorable when he has death water in his lungs. He's like a rabid cat thrown into a bath. She pokes his nose. ]

Besides, it stinks in here. Like loneliness and a never-ending drive to outdo yourself in ridiculousness. The room could use a little fresh air, right? You should be thanking me.

video;

[legality]

[ During the whole speech, Terezi's tongue will be plastered to the screen. Each breath of greasy Freedom Fries and salt that drips from America's verbally leaking mouth, she consumes, tossing out the metaphorical fry ends. Not a single man, woman, or child will judge her. But eventually he stops talking, and like a child who longingly stares at the window of his mother's car as they drive past a McDonald's play place, Terezi's dreams are momentarily crushed. ]

Huh?

[legality]

Huh? [ what. ] What. [ what. ] What. [ Yeah, you though you had already gotten your share of licking and sniffing, didn't you? Too bad, it's starting up again. She might even nibble a bit on Hong Kong's hand to make sure. ]

[bauhinia]

[ He's going to get way too used to this, isn't he? ] Yeah, I'm actually a personified city. [ If that even makes any sense to her. ]

[legality]

[ nope. ] Mmua? [ Translation: what? Unfortunately it's hard to talk with your mouth around someone's wrist. ]