discedo | text; 01

Entry tags:

text; 01

3V3RYTH1NG 1S W3T 4ND NOTH1NG 1S B34UT1FUL
UGHHHHH
UGH
UGH UGH UGH UUUUGHHH

UGH NUMB3R 1
WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LL SO T3RR1BL3?!?!
1TS L1K3 1 4CC1D3NTLY CR4WL3D 1NTO 4 CO4LM1N3RS ST1NKY 4ND SW34TY 4SSHOL3 4ND 4LSO TH3R3 1S CRUSTY SN1FF NOD3 JU1C3
4ND B4RF
4ND PR3TTY MUCH 3V3RYTH1NG GROSS YOU C4N 3V3R 1M4G1N3
4ND TH3R3 1S NO 3SC4P3

UGH NUMB3R TWO
TH1S 1SNT TROLL14N 4ND WH3R3 1S 4R43N4??
BEC4US3 1M R34LLY ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK TH1S 1SNT TH3 S4M3 DR34M BUBBL3 1 W4S 1N B3FOR3
WH4T TH3 H3CK

UGH NUMBER FUCK MY L1F3
1 4M SO4K3D
TH1S 1S GROSS
1 SM3LL L1K3 UGHGUGHGURHU

UGH NUMB3R M1LL1ON
C4N 4NYON3 3V3N R34D WH4T 1M TYP1NG
OR 1S TH4T JUST 4 TH1NG TH4TS NOT OCCURR1NG 4NYMOR3

UGH NUMB3R WHYYYYYYYYYYY
NO S3R1OUSLY
1S 4NYON3 G3TT1NG MY M3SS4G3S??
1TS RUD3 TO L34V3 4 BL1ND G1RL LOST 4ND CONFUS3D, YOU KNOW!!
(1M LOOK1NG 4T YOU K4RK4T
STOP B31NG SO RUD3 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S GO1NG ON)

(OR D4V3

OR K4N4Y4 OR ROS3 OR 4NYON3 1N G3N3R3L WOULD B3 PR3TTY D4MN N1C3 R1GHT 4BOUT NOW TH4NK YOU!!!!!)

[ Translation: EVERYTHING IS WET AND NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL
UGH x a large amount
WHY DOES EVERYTHING SMELL SO TERRIBLE
ITS LIKE I ACCIDENTLY CRAWLED INTO A COALMINERS STINKY AND SWEATY ASSHOLE AND ALSO THERE IS CRUSTY SNIFF NODE JUICE
AND BARF
AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING GROSS YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE
AND THERE IS NO ESCAPE

UGH NUMBER TWO
THIS ISNT TROLLIAN AND WHERE IS AREANA??
BECAUSE I AM REALLY STARTING TO THINK THIS ISNT THE SAME DREAM BUBBLE I WAS IN BEFORE
WHAT THE HECK

UGH NUMBER FUCK MY LIFE
I AM SOAKED
THIS IS GROSS
I SMELL LIKE URHGURHUGHRUH

UGH NUMBER MILLION
CAN ANYONE EVEN READ WHAT IM TYPING
OR IS THAT JUST A THING THATS NOT OCCURRING ANYMORE

UGH NUMBER WHYYYYYYYY
NO SERIOUSLY IS ANYONE GETTING MY MESSAGES??
ITS RUDE TO LEAVE A BLIND GIRL LOST AND CONFUSED, YOU KNOW!!
(IM LOOKING AT YOU KARKAT
STOP BEIGN RUDE AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

OR DAVE
ORKANAYA OR ROSE OR ANYONE IN GENERAL WOULD BE PRETTY DAMN NICE RIGHT ABOUT NOW THANK YOU!!! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Meeting America in person is like stepping in a bear trap. Briefly, your options are to scream for help, whimper and cry, or gnaw your own leg off. Only briefly, though. Because, some intuitive part of your being knows that the hunter is out there, that Shia LaBeouf is waiting in the shadows.

You suddenly realize that your only option is to get your gnaw on, and you are okay with that. Terezi is okay with that, because she will have won. She will have beaten America LaBeouf. ]

Nope! You're pretty bad at this, aren't you?

[ There is no losing against America LeBeouf. Only delaying the inevitable. ]

No way! I'll have ya know that I'm a hero-- no, the hero of my world! Granted, me saving people usually involves a lot more weaponry and money, but I can just as easily save people with my own two hands.

Are you sitting down? Because I'm about to tell ya a story that'll blow the lid off your reality.

[ He waits for her to sit down regardless if she's already sitting. ]

Now, this one time I was out in the woods, doin' my thing, expanding my territory and all that. That's when I hear this sound: it's a screech, like the sound you make when you get your hand slammed in the car door. Turned out it was a baby eagle!

And it was in the jaws of a bear.

Did I hesitate to save my symbol of freedom and justice? Do gods hesitate when their children cry out for salvation? No. No to both. I leaped in that situation like a badger pouncing on whatever the badger damn well wants to pounce on. I pried that bear's veracious jowls open, freed the eaglet, and snapped its neck for treason. Also because I was low on cash and bear hide earned a pretty penny back in the day.

And that's why capitalism is the correct economic policy!

[ During the whole speech, Terezi's tongue will be plastered to the screen. Each breath of greasy Freedom Fries and salt that drips from America's verbally leaking mouth, she consumes, tossing out the metaphorical fry ends. Not a single man, woman, or child will judge her. But eventually he stops talking, and like a child who longingly stares at the window of his mother's car as they drive past a McDonald's play place, Terezi's dreams are momentarily crushed. ]

Huh?

[ He'll take her intense (if creepy) fixation on the screen as a sign that she is utterly captivated by his story and the message behind it. Yes. Surely this troll will make a fine American. ]

Basically I'm the best country to ever exist. Ever.

[ America, across the IC/OOC border, in an entire other universe, in a Mansion existing in a world of memories and wonder, this Terezi was a communist.

Licking the screen more. There is just teal slobber everywhere. ]

Is that like a city? Are you a person-place, like Hong Pong?

[ he will cure her of her communism

and oh god he doesn't know what to make of this WHY IS HER SPIT BLUE-GREEN. WHY IS SHE LICKING THE SCREEN. WHY IS HE NOT MORE DISTURBED BY THIS no really, aside from being a little weirded out, he takes it all in stride. he's seen so much worse at woodstock. he's DONE so much worse at woodstock. ]

Yeah, except better. You see, good ol' HK is my little Asian brother. He's got tons of people, sure, but I've got miles and miles and miles of land, hundreds upon hundreds of cities and towns and homes with millions of people spread out from sea to shining sea! I've got it all: mountains and buildings tall enough to scrape the sky, deserts dotted with lights and sinners, rolling hills and flat plains and armadillos!

[ press her face close enough and she can probably taste all these places. might want to wash her mouth out after he mentions las vegas though. ]

[ Las Vegas tastes like colors, quick marriages, and sin; everything a little lawyer could ever hope for. ]

Really now? But if HK has so much less than you, why was he able to give me some really nice gifts? If I'm going to believe you, then I'm going to need to see some proof. [ come on, let's weasel some broken washing machines out of this guy. ]

Because you haven't asked me for anything.

Gimmie food. [ mcdonald's, please. ]

For a sec, I thought you were gonna ask for something difficult. Pfft!

You ever had a Sloppy Joe before?

[ My abstinence only course once taught us that holding hands began a snowball effect. Once you held hands, momentum pushed you to kiss. Once you kissed, momentum pushed you to make out. Once you made out, there was no way you weren't having sex right there and then.

I think that this logical progression can easily be applied to other parts of life, especially when you replace the sexual acts with mundane ones. For example, you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for milk. Or if you give Terezi a Sloppy Joe, she's going to eat you out of house and home, and then ask for all your stuff.

This is the first step. ]

Nope. What's that? Is it eating people who are sloppy?

[ Mine told us that if you have too much anal sex, you have to use tampons in multiple orifices. Our teacher also used the most explicit pictures of STDs possible to the point where I re-saw some of them in my college Human Sexuality class. Pretty sure it was effective because that first bit of information still haunts me.

Luckily, Terezi is asking food from the most food-abundant country ever. His own stomach is literally a black hole. Many an enemy soldier has tried to gut him only to be sucked into the vortex, trying to scream to his comrades as his visage flickers forever on the event horizon. A report from a surviving witness is contained in this specialized document:

Item #: SCP-1783

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1783 is not permitted on any SCP site without authorization from O5-█. D-Class personnel are barred from interacting with SCP-1783 in case of [REDACTED]. Because of his persistence, SCP-1783 is currently pending approval to enter a vehicle with SCP-666-J. Further tests must be conducted to establish whether a horse is a "vehicle."

Description: SCP-1783 is a Caucasian male appearing approximately 19-22 years in age, measuring 5 feet 10 inches with blond hair and blue eyes. Subject has shown to be amicable and sociable in interviews, but has been diagnosed with several mental disorders by Foundation doctors. This may be due to effects of [REDACTED]. None of his defects impact his ability to function in society or pose an outstanding risk to the general public. He is considered "no more dangerous on a daily basis than the average idiot you'd find at Walmart" according to Dr. ████. Subject has been advised to seek a therapist and not join the NRA.

[ See document Alpha-██████████ a full report on subject "America." ]

Addendum: Located in the area of the subject's stomach is a vortex with properties similar to that of a black hole, hereby called SCP-1783-1. The vortex is not noted to have any detrimental effects on the subject himself. Curiously, SCP-1783-1 does not show up on ultrasounds or has appeared in battlefield medical reports from doctors operating on the subject's abdominal region.

Earlier interviews indicate that SCP-1783 is aware of this anomaly.

< Excerpt from Interview █████, 1957 >
SCP-1783: Nah man. Hey, this gonna take much longer? Me and a couple of the agents out in the hall were gonna go grab a bite to eat. I heard there's a new ice cream parlor opening up down the street!
Dr. ████: Mr. Jones, you ate three hamburgers an hour ago.
SCP-1783: But that's not a chocolate malt.
Dr. ████: You were also given one of those upon request a half hour ago upon request. Remember?
SCP-1783: What can I say? I've got a black hole for a stomach! [laughs]

Knowledge of SCP-1783-1 was considered a joke at the time. Recent discoveries have prompted researchers to reevaluate previous interviews for more "jokes."

SCP-1783-1's effects primarily manifest in the subject's endless appetite and apparent ability to ingest foods that would be considered undigestible to ordinary humans. However, it should be noted that he is just as susceptible to stomach cramps, dysentery, and other ailments as an ordinary young adult. For example, after ingesting a taco from a street vendor, researchers recorded that SCP-1783 spent an equal amount of hours sick in the bathroom as the two Foundation agents who visited the stand with him.

According to battlefield reports, the dangerous effects of SCP-1783-1 are triggered when an enemy soldier attempts to eviscerate SCP-1783. Confiscated government documents indicate that SCP-1783 can be stabbed without consequence of triggering SCP-1783, but excessive mutilation (often consistent with torture) reveal SCP-1783-1. The only detailed account of experimentation can be found in Document █████, dated ████, █, 1945 in a Japanese POW camp located in ████, China. O5-█ and the ethics board have agreed that repeated experimentation would be detrimental to the subject's already frail psychological state and may trigger even more damaging effects.

In his diary, Private Alfons ████ described his encounter with the effects of SCP-1783-1:

Feb █, ████

They brought the American boy out there today. Hans was livid. His brother had been killed in the East and we've heard rumors that the Russians would sooner eat our brothers than let them be taken home to be buried. I think he was looking to take it all out on something and our prisoner was the perfect target. I didn't try to stop him. I didn't hate the American boy, but I didn't particularly like him either. I wish I could say I acted nobly, that I didn't interfere because I valued the survival of the Fatherland, but I was simply selfish. I was too homesick and tired to care what the others did.

If I live long enough to survive the war, I think I'll live to regret it.

While I was cleaning my gun, I heard the American shouting in the clearing. Then a scuffle. Then more shouts from the American, this time with a tinge of agony. I tried to put it all out of mind and focus on the simplicity of finishing my work and the road ahead to home. Then there was a sound –– I don't know how to describe it. It seemed as if the world was being split open by silence. I'm not proud to say I was terrified and I considered running, but stupidly I decided to see what was happening.

When I entered the clearing the American was groaning. His belly was cut open. When he tried to sit up... I saw it. I don't know what "it" was. I've never been religious, but for the first time, I truly believed there was a Hell and I was looking straight into it. Dead in the center was Hans. It looked like he was reaching out to me, his mouth was open like he was screaming, but I heard nothing. "Deafening Silence." It sounds so silly when I write it down, but I heard it. I heard the silence. And amidst it all was that American boy, probably no older than I, struggling to sit up. There was blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. Finally he managed to sit up and in doing so allowed the darkness to freeze Hans. It looked like he was starting to fade. He wasn't getting smaller, like he was being sucked into something, but he... looked like he was disappearing.

For a long while, I don't know how long, I couldn't stop staring. When I finally managed to look up the American was staring right back at me with the blue, pale eyes of a corpse. None of the others were around –– I still haven't heard from them, so I'm not sure if they too were swallowed or if they fled in terror.

I did the same when I locked eyes with the dead man and he smiled at me.

Available sources relating to SCP-1783-1 are only dated back to World War I. It is unclear whether SCP-1783-1 developed over the course of several centuries, if no events had triggered it beforehand, or (most likely) there were no surviving witnesses literate enough to detail a full account. The subject himself states that he does not remember when SCP-1783-1 first appeared, but has not acted concerned. Given his [REDACTED] nature, he does not see SCP-1783-1 as anything special or abnormal.

And now we are back to something actually relevant: sloppy joes. ]

Naw! They're just ground up meat with some delicious sauce on a bun! Trust me, they're really good!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

text; 01

video;

video; 1/2

video; 2/2

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video; what the fuck did I just write