discedo | ( text; dated April 21, mid-afternoon )

-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board APOCALYPTIC FUCKTOWN THE SEQUEL: RETURN OF COURIER FONT VISUAL ASSAULT --

HELLO AGAIN, DISCEDO.

YOU KNOW
THIS IS GENERALLY THE PART WHERE I WOULD START RANTING ABOUT THE INJUSTICE OF THIS WORLD AND EVERY UNIVERSE THAT ORBITS THE GREEN SUN.
(AKA ALL OF THEM.)
THIS IS THE PART THAT SHOULD BE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN INCOHERENT RAGE, A PANIC ATTACK, AND AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.
BUT NO.
ANY ATTEMPT AT GENUINELY SERIOUS, HEARTFELT DISCUSSION ABOUT MY RETURN WAS KILLED THE MOMENT THE SCIENTISTS DECIDED TO DROP ME INTO FLOODWATERS THAT SHARE THE SAME CONSISTENCY AND SMELL AS HELL'S DIARRHEA.

I AM CURRENTLY TYPING THIS FROM THE S.S. MURPHY'S LAW.
IT'S ACTUALLY JUST A FUCKING PLASTIC BIN BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, IT'S TOO MUCH FUCKING EFFORT TO PUT ME ON DRY LAND OR ACTUALLY FASHION ME A REAL BOAT.
SINCE I'M SUCH A DRAIN ON PRECIOUS RESOURCES, ONE HAS TO WONDER WHY IN ALL THE FUCKS THAT WERE EVER GIVEN THAT I'VE BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO THIS UNIVERSE.
SERIOUSLY.
THIS IS THE MOST ABSURD, TIME-WASTING EVENT THAT COULD HAPPEN.
I SAY THIS AS SOMEONE WHO IS CURRENTLY TRAPPED FOR AN UNFATHOMABLE AMOUNT OF TIME ON AN ACTUAL SHIP AS IT TRAVELS THROUGH MONOTONOUS EXPANSES OF NOTHINGNESS
WHICH IS OCCASIONALLY INTERRUPTED BY POCKETS OF THE AFTERLIFE.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW
SHIT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH BACK IN MY OWN UNIVERSE.
NOPE.
THE ONLY BENEFIT TO ARRIVING IN A FLOODED, DEAD WASTELAND IS THAT I HAVE LITTLE TO NO CHANCE OF ENCOUNTERING A DEAD VERSION OF MYSELF FROM ANOTHER TIME LINE.
GODDAMN IT NOW I'M ACTUALLY MEASURING THE WORTH OF THIS UNIVERSE AND SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING WHETHER OR NOT THIS IS A WELCOME BREAK.

BACKTRACKING.
RETURNING TO FURY IN 3... 2...
I AM PADDLING MY WAY UP SHIT CREEK WITH A FUCKING SIGN THAT READS "GOOD FRIENDS GATHER HERE."
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE AMOUNTS OF IRONY RIGHT HERE.
SO MUCH IRONY THAT THE CAPED CRUSADER'S THINK PAN WOULD EXPLODE.
LUCKILY I'VE MANAGED TO PLUG A HOLE IN MY VESSEL WITH THE MOST STUPIDLY REMARKABLE PRODUCT EVER CONCEIVED.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT "TAMPONS" ARE
BUT THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE LIMITLESS APPLICATIONS.
AND APPLICATORS, WHATEVER THE FUCK DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES????
DON'T CARE.

FIRST THING'S FIRST:
ERI POTTER
JAPAN THE SANDWICH FACTORY
BENFROMLOST
THE NON-LETHAL JACK
BIRDSEED
WINCHESTERS 1 AND 2
WHOEVER THE FUCK I USED TO INTERACT WITH ON A REGULAR BASIS
(NO OFFENSE IT'S JUST BEEN A WHILE AND SO MUCH SHIT HAS GONE DOWN BETWEEN THEN AN NOW MY MEMORIES ARE MOSTLY FILLED WITH MURDER AND HORROR)

WHO'S STILL HERE, AND WHO CAN TOW ME TO MY OLD HIVE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS IN ALL THE WORLDS, IF THAT PLACE IS FLOODED/OCCUPIED/STILL OCCUPIED BY THE OPOSSUM DEMON, I WILL FLIP SO MUCH SHIT THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO BUILD A WHOLE NEW SEWAGE PLANT TO PROCESS ALL OF IT.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Tampons are a feminine hygiene product. [B-because Hakuba couldn't help himself, okay.]

you're a seriously angry guy, you know that?

i wouldn't touch the tampons if i were you.

[ sorry if he sounds a little down karkat, he's kind of recovering from being dead ]

Hey, uh...Eridan left about a month ago. I think Japan's gone too. If Marco's Birdseed he's on the exploration. [ a pause. he doesn't know who the Winchesters are. that leaves him, even if he's in the hospital. ] Where are you?

The sun in my universe wasn't green, last I checked.

...At least you found a semi decent use of the tampons. Other than that, give it a few days and the flooding with probably go away.

OKAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WORKS NOR DO I CARE.

[ He's thinking something along the lines of it being used to wipe sweat off the brow or plug up nose bleeds or something. ]

I KNOW IT.
I'VE EMBRACED IT.
MY CREATION IS THE PRODUCT OF FURY ITSELF ENTANGLING WITH DARK MATTER IN A VIOLENT FUCKFEST THAT RATTLED THE COSMOS.
SEVERAL STARS WITNESSED THE HORROR AND IMPLODED ON THEMSELVES IN BLACK HOLE RITUALISTIC SUICIDE.
ALSO ECTOBIOLOGY BUT I'M NOT EVEN GOING INTO THAT BULLSHIT.

AND WHY NOT?
THEY DON'T SEEM TO BE LACED WITH TOXINS.
THEY DON'T EVEN SMELL BAD IT'S KINDA REMARKABLE.

[ it's okay Karkat's wallowing in his own petty problems and existential crisis ]

RIGHT.
I EXPECTED AS MUCH.

[ He pauses, deciding to leave it at that. He'll have plenty of time for bluh bluh dumb emotions later. Besides, he isn't even sure how he'd react if Eridan was still around. It's one thing to encounter him dead; another thing entirely if he was taken before the point he snapped. ]

LIKE I SAID:
PADDLING UP SHIT CREEK.
I DON'T REMEMBER GEOGRAPHY AND I DON'T SEE ANY SIGNS NEAR ME, SO FUCK IF I CAN GIVE AN ACCURATE LOCATION.

not only angry, but poetic about it too. kinda awesome if you ask me.

no, seriously, i don't wanna explain it.

A wise decision, really.

HERE, LET ME EXPLAIN THE MECHANICS OF REALITY WHILE I'M TRYING NOT TO FUCKING DROWN:
UNIVERSES ORBIT THE GREEN SUN LIKE PLANETS IN A SINGULAR UNIVERSE ORBIT A STAR.
AS SOMEONE WHO HAS SEEN IT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL,
IT IS THE LARGEST FUCKING INFERNO A MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES UPON.
BIGGER THAN SEVERAL UNIVERSES COMBINED.

OH YES THAT'S SO COMFORTING.
LET THE FLOOD WATERS RECEDE SO THAT IT CAN BE REPLACED BY AN EVEN WORSE CATASTROPHE, AS PER USUAL OF DISCEDO.
CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.

[Sigh.]

...If you want, I can get you to a dry place easily enough. Just don't make me regret doing so.

WELL THIS HAS BEEN AN ENLIGHTENING CONVERSATION.
DO YOU HEAR THE SARCASM IN MY TEXT?
DO YOU?????

NOW TELL ME SOMETHING USEFUL.
LIKE WHY THE FUCK I'M UP TO MY GALLSPHINCTER IN WATER.

It's been raining quite heavily recently. Just be glad you missed the rain of frogs.

THANKS.
I TRY, AS SAD AS THAT STATEMENT IS.
GOOD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN APPRECIATE THE FULL EXTENT OF MY OBTUSE, RAMBLING RANTS.

THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THIS OPEN TO CONVERSATION?
THAT'S LIKE SAYING TO A NEWLY HATCHED WRIGGLER, "OH DON'T EAT THAT."
BUT YOU NEVER EXPLAIN IF THEY'RE ABOUT TO INGEST FECAL MATTER OR BRAIN-WRITING SLIME THAT WILL PREVENT THEM FROM GOING ON A MURDER SPREE.

I USED TO HAVE A TEMPORARY HIVE ON THIS WORLD.
I FORGET WHAT BUILDING.
BUT I REMEMBER THAT IT WAS ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
IN WHICH CASE, ALL THE SHIT I'D GATHERED HERE IS THERE AND LIKELY WATERLOGGED.

IF YOU CAN GET ME THERE SO I CAN CURSE THE WORLD FROM MY OWN SHITTY, FLOODED "HOME," THAT WOULD BE HELPFUL.

...WHAT.
DID YOU COLLECT THEM???

[ THIS IS CRUCIAL WE MIGHT HAVE TO MAKE A UNIVERSE. ]

Collect, no. Not unless you count a single frog as a collection.

..Hive? I'm assuming you mean apartment.

I can get you out of the water. But unless I have coordinates to your place, you're stuck with where ever I put you until the water goes away.

In any case, look up.

[Floating in the sky is a rather pointy spaceship.]

Still want that lift~?

IF YOU'RE THE FROG BREEDER FOR THIS UNIVERSE
WE ARE DOOMED.
GODDAMNIT OF COURSE I FUCKING ARRIVED AFTER THE MOST CRUCIAL EVENT THIS PLACE EVER EXPERIENCED.
NOT THAT I WAS ALL THAT GOOD AT MY OWN FROG BREEDING DUTIES, BUT AT THE VERY LEAST I COULD'VE GUIDED YOU IGNORANT FUCKS.

I'm not a frog breeder, it just won't leave me alone. [Who the heck would want to breed frogs anyway?]

what else are you gonna do with a vocabulary like that, right?

shouldn't the fact that i don't even wanna write down what those things are used for be a hint that you probably don't wanna touch them? i mean, like, i could explain it, but we'd both end up embarrassed. i'm not kidding.

See if you can get near a building and grab a window. Maybe you can climb in one.

Which one's Birdseed again?

[Marco really misses the others. Way too much.]

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