discedo | [video]

It isn't impossible for a person to desire the company of others but have reasons for not showing it. To avoid them, perhaps.

Weren't you also alone for a long time?

Indeed. But that doesn't mean they can really shield it as well as they think. Some people tend to believe that no one truly wants to be alone, so they'll fight to stay by their side.

I was.

Ah. That is familiar to me.

And the circumstances?

I had a feeling.

Pops found me. And promised me a better life. At that point I had nothing left to lose. Having something to lose doesn't make me weaker though, just gives me something to fight for.

It makes sense, saying it that way. Though I just meant that if you were alone before then you can understand how a person could be that way for a long time.

Intimately.

It also means my desire to see others in the same situation is nonexistent. I spent the last few decades helping give a place in the world to people who had none. It becomes more than just a habit at that point.

How selfless. You must be kept busy in a place like this, then.

[A surprised laugh.] Selfless? Far from it.

Isn't it alleviating my own boredom and loneliness as well? Besides, that's how I got most of my brothers. They're my treasure, eh?

Though, yes, I suppose I do keep busy.

I can't judge your motivations, whether you do it because you're bored or not. To me it still seems like too much trouble.

It's not really trouble at all, eh.

I used to make chowder for Eridan and the trolls when they were here. Ace could never understand it because they're more than capable of fending for themselves, but it's more like... a simple gesture from me with very minimal work can carry a lot more to it.

[It helped convert Ace into joining the crew. It opened up discussions with him.] It didn't come to a lot of fruition here since they all went home, but Eridan was a good friend because of it and that was a lot of fun.

I guess it's like reading. If you don't like it, it's going to seem like a lot of work, but if you're the kind of person who reads all the time, the idea that it's work or even effort just seems too foreign to comprehend.

[ Ah. This is something he actually understands, taking that analogy and applying it in his own way. ]

I see. The way one person might find training enjoyable while another finds it a chore. [ . . . ]

I've always found human interaction to be generally taxing. I suppose in that we are different.

Exactly. On the training thing.

Humans... can grate on me after awhile. Sometimes faster than others. And sometimes it'd be really easy for me to slip away and avoid everyone for weeks. But the only way to get more used to people was being with them all the time.

And I got lucky. Thatch and my crew were always great about helping me with it.

So you also had that much trouble... [ Congratulations, Marco, Sasuke now sees you as being socially well-adjusted. Possible new side project? Sasuke's trying to decide if that's something that would even be worth it. ]

I deal with them better when I know what they want from me at the beginning.

I spent a great deal of my life more as a phoenix than human. People don't come that naturally to me, but it became an important part of my life... and it was always a bit inescapable anyway, eh.

Well, everyone wants something different... and not everyone does want something from you, believe it or not.

That just makes it sound like you've resigned yourself to it because you had no other choice, you realize.

It hasn't been that way in my experience.

At first I did. But then they showed me it was better this way, and it really and truly is, so I've never looked back.

Well, I don't want anything from you? Beyond simple conversation, eh.

I'm not like you. I've had those bonds before and I chose to sever them of my own volition.

Then you're a different kind of guy from most.

I can't say I understand why though.

Hah, I'm different in many ways, but I'm not sure that's one of them. Not everyone wants something material beyond a chance and friendship.

I never claimed that it would be easy for others to understand.

Then perhaps we're just working off of different experiences, from different worlds. It's difficult for me to think in any other way.

Granted, I haven't met a lot of people from your world but do you really think that of Sakura and Naruto? They're more naive and innocent than anyone I've met in... decades in my world.

They also want something. They want the past to come back to them, assuming they truly still haven't given up on me. They have a longing for something nostalgic; when it comes to my life I could never expect them to understand or sympathize as comrades.

Perhaps that sounds selfish, from me. But I can acknowledge that.

It's not selfish to wish for a different future. If they truly only wish for the past, then you're at an impasse, but I suspect they're more like Shanks was to me. Annoying as hell, but trying to make sure you don't throw your life into something that won't accomplish what you're really looking for.

I'm doing exactly what I want to do, what I'm meant to do. I have no lingering doubts. You, of all people, I would expect to understand. The lectures of those who don't understand hatred or try to force me to turn from my path are things I don't require in my life.

I'm definitely not going to direct you on any path, matey. [He won't even with his family, he certainly won't with anyone else.]

If you're that sure in your convictions, then my words won't matter, whether you disagree or not, right? Just so long as you realize there are always options. And I know in my case, those options aren't always as visible, especially when swallowed up in darkness.

I understand. Darkness is something I've been in for a long time; it's difficult to remain focused otherwise. At this point I'm still able to function and have this sort of conversation with you so I can't be that far gone.

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