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[yourgoddamnit]

-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board I AM LITERALLY WASTING MINUTES OF MY LIFE TYPING OUT THIS BULLSHIT --

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE, DISCEDO, AND ALL THE UNFORTUNATE SOULS WHO WERE JUST TRANSPORTED HERE.
I PROMISE TO KEEP IT BRIEF.
LONG AGO I FOUGHT A BATTLE AGAINST A MIGHTY DEMON.
THE DARK DEPTHS OF HELL NAMED IT, ACCORDING TO THE WINCHESTER DUO, "OPOSSUM."
IT HAD TASTED MY BLOOD AND I HAD LIKEWISE TRIED TO BITE ITS FACE OFF
BUT BOTH OF US FAILED TO DESTROY THE OTHER.
WE WERE LOCKED IN A WALTZ OF HATE, AND DEATH WAS WAITING ON THE SIDELINES TO CUT IN.
WHEN I RETURNED TO MY OWN UNIVERSE AND WAS SUBSEQUENTLY SENT BACK HERE, I HAD HOPES THAT THE DEMON HAD PERISHED IN MY ABSENCE.
WITHOUT A PROPER SUPPLY OF SANDWICHES TO ROB AND TROLL SOULS TO WHITTLE AWAY IT SURELY COULD NOT SUSTAIN ITSELF.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
TODAY I REALIZED, TO MY HORROR, THE TRUE FATE OF THE MONSTROSITY:



IT HAS MULTIPLIED.

ITS OFFSPRING ARE CURRENTLY BEING HELD CAPTIVE.
POSSUM DEMON, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
LET US SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

FACE ME OR I WILL FEED YOUR CHILDREN TO TEREZI.

BELIEVE ME I'M PRETTY SURE IF I SMOTHER THEM IN VARIOUS SAUCES SHE WILL SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.

Comments

i would have killed you if you didn't make a post B[

[wantedbygods]

OH MY GOD YOU SOUND FUCKING PSYCHOTIC, YOU KNOW THAT?

and then I would haunt you B(

[yourgoddamnit]

BRILLIANT DEDUCTION.
I WAS UTTERLY UNAWARE THAT PUBLICLY POSTING THREATS TO POSSUM DEMONS WAS THE ACT OF AN UNSTABLE MIND.
PLEASE
ENLIGHTEN ME FURTHER, OH WISE ONE.
TELL ME THE INNERMOST SECRETS OF MY LIFE
BECAUSE APPARENTLY I AM UTTERLY IGNORANT OF JUST HOW FUCKING CRAZY I AM.

Re: and then I would haunt you B(

[wantedbygods]

SHHH, SHHH.
IT'S OKAY YOU PATHETIC LITTLE WIGGLER.
WE CAN GO OUT IN SEARCH FOR YOUR THINK PAN CELLS, OK?

[yourgoddamnit]

SOUNDS LIKE A LOVELY TIME, SIR CONDESCENDING DOUCHEFEMUR.
WHILE WE'RE AT IT WE CAN LOOK FOR THE TATTERED REMAINS OF YOUR DIGNITY AND HUMILITY.
I'LL BE HONEST.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THEY'LL BE FOUND
OR THAT THEY EVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE
BUT DAMNED IF WE CAN'T TRY.

[wantedbygods]

DIGNITY AND HUMILITY ARE THE FIRST THINGS THEY BEAT OUT OF YOU IN CORPS TRAINING, KID.
GET USED TO NOT HAVING ANY OF IT EVER IF YOU WANT TO BE A THRESHECUTIONER.

[legality]

1TS TRU3
TH3R3 1S 4 H1GH PROB4B1L1TY TH4T 1 W1LL CONSUM3 34CH OF TH3S3 FUZZY NUGG3TS 1N 4BSOLUT3 D3L1GHT

[yourgoddamnit]

DO YOU PREFER THEM PLAIN OR SMOTHER IN ASSORTED SAUCES?
I THINK I STILL HAVE A HAND FULL OF KETCHUP PACKETS FROM THE TIME I HAD TO FIGHT OFF VELOCIRAPTORS AT THE ABANDONED SHOPPING CENTER.
THOSE FUCKERS WEREN'T GOING TO GET MY FRIVOLOUS BULLSHIT.

[ if trolls had a version of Black Friday, you can bet Karkat would be first in line at 4am and would punch everyone out of the way while riding Crabdad through the aisles to the lowest priced merch. ]

[legality]

SURPR1S3 M3
M4YB3 TRY 4 L1TTL3 H4LF 4ND H4LF
SO 1 C4N F1ND OUT WH4T 1 PR3F3R
JUST 1N C4S3 YOUR D3MON FR13ND D3C1D3S TO H4V3 3V3N MOR3 OFFSPR1NG
GOTT4 B3 PR3P4R3D
>;]

[yourgoddamnit]

TRUE.
I THINK I STILL HAVE SOME OF THAT SOY SAUCE LEFT OVER FROM THE EMPIRE OF SANDWICH FACTORIES.
AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE DEMON OFFSPRING PUDDING WITH HALF AND HALF FOR DESSERT.
LOOK AT ME I'M A FUCKING CELEBRITY CHEF OF HELLSPAWN RECIPES.
I SHOULD HAVE A SHOW.
MOVE OVER TROLL GORDON RAMSEY I AM TAKING YOUR PLACE.

[chibifirebird]

You have a friend that eats opossum? [Totally laughing man.]

[yourgoddamnit]

THAT'S THE IDEA.
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'LL EAT ANYTHING.
HER DIGESTIVE TRACT IS 90% ACID AND 10% ENDLESS ABYSS.

[chibifirebird]

[Laughs more.] Wow, is that some kind devil fruit or special ability?

[yourgoddamnit]

LET'S GO WITH "SPECIAL ABILITY."
FUCK KNOWS SHE'S GOT SEVERAL OF THOSE HIDDEN AWAY.

[video]

[tapdancinskelly]

I probably shouldn't question the eating habits of trolls, but from what I've heard, eating demons or devils can give you indigestion. I would know, I ate a devil fruit once and look at me now. Yohohoho!

[video]

[yourgoddamnit]

[ oh he is looking all right, and he is duly noting.

he doesn't want Terezi to be a skeleton 8(((( ]

What about these demons? I assume they're not toxic to us, but...

[video]

[tapdancinskelly]

[Brooke leans in closer to the screen.]

Oh wait, I've heard of these once. Some guy in the south blue said they were damn good eat'n. Yohohoho!

[video]

[yourgoddamnit]

[ Karkat doesn't look amused. Also maybe he should start questioning why the fuck he's talking to a skeleton, or how a skeleton can talk, but no. Nope. Not even going there. NOT EVEN CARING. THIS IS DISCEDO AND NOTHING IS SENSIBLE. ]

Yes you are the most reassuring dead person on the whole fucking planet. If Aradia were here I'm sure you two could have an annoying corpse party. Invite everyone. It would be a blast.

[Action]

[travelin_on]

Jeeze kid, you really are hopeless. I can't believe you haven't killed that thing yet.

[And now it has babies. Does Discedo seriously have to drag his sorry ass back just to look after you Karkat? And yeah, lets say there's Dean, chillin' nearby so they can actually meet this time.]

[Action]

[yourgoddamnit]

[ Karkat will be skulking and scowling in all his tiny fury. He scuttles his way closer to Dean, avoiding as much direct contact with sunlight as possible. Well, if it's day time. If it's night he's just scuttling. I DON'T KNOW. ]

Hey, I've been gone fuck-knows-how-long. I didn't have time to give that furry bastard a taste of death before I was whisked away back to my own fucked up absurdity of a universe. It must've recuperated and reorganized while I was busy dealing with more important shit.

[ not even demons are as terrifying as a sober gamzee. ]

[Action]

[travelin_on]

[Well hi there little buddy, you aren't expecting a hug filled with red feels are you?]

Uh, it multiplied, so that means it wasn't alone before.

[Gosh, he's not a cruel kind of dude, not usually. But more than one Opossum is bad enough, they carry diseases and stuff. Though he's not even sure those diseases would even EFFECT Karkat. That there is a whole bushel of potentially human harming creatures though. Maybe he can just... relocate the little bastards?]

For all you know the mom might have abandoned them. But maybe if you take'em somewhere else she won't come back and bother you.

[Action]

[yourgoddamnit]

[ No, but it's always better than being greeted with a stabbing. ]

I don't claim to know anything about possum reproduction.

[ See, Dean, your plan is too logical and easy. That is its problem. ]

Better not have been abandoned, otherwise there'd be no fucking point to holding these things hostage. Goddamn, this demon is more callous and ruthless than I originally thought if it leaves its own offspring to the uncaring world.

[ His scowl deepens. HE'S UP AGAINST A TOUGH FOE, CLEARLY. ]

I'll give it some time to respond to my threats, then I'm just feeding its young to Terezi.

text.

[dewebbed]

I don't think opossums can read, dude. [ grinning so hard at this whole post ]

text.

[yourgoddamnit]

FUCK.
REALLY?
FINE.
THEN I WILL TEACH IT THE LANGUAGE OF HUMANS
AND JUST WHEN IT'S STARTING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT ITSELF FOR BEING LITERATE
I'LL TYPE EVEN WORSE THREATS AND VIVIDLY DESCRIBE THE ENTREES I MADE OUT OF ITS OFFSPRING.

text.

[dewebbed]

They're probably not smart enough to read, either. If you want to fight it so bad, I think you got to find it yourself.

text.

[yourgoddamnit]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
GREAT, I'M UP AGAINST SOMETHING WITH CARNAL BLOOD LUST AND ALL THE METAL FACULTIES OF A BRAIN DAMAGED LUSUS.
WHATEVER.
CHALLENGE
FUCKING
ACCEPTED.