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[yourgoddamnit]

-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board I AM LITERALLY WASTING MINUTES OF MY LIFE TYPING OUT THIS BULLSHIT --

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE, DISCEDO, AND ALL THE UNFORTUNATE SOULS WHO WERE JUST TRANSPORTED HERE.
I PROMISE TO KEEP IT BRIEF.
LONG AGO I FOUGHT A BATTLE AGAINST A MIGHTY DEMON.
THE DARK DEPTHS OF HELL NAMED IT, ACCORDING TO THE WINCHESTER DUO, "OPOSSUM."
IT HAD TASTED MY BLOOD AND I HAD LIKEWISE TRIED TO BITE ITS FACE OFF
BUT BOTH OF US FAILED TO DESTROY THE OTHER.
WE WERE LOCKED IN A WALTZ OF HATE, AND DEATH WAS WAITING ON THE SIDELINES TO CUT IN.
WHEN I RETURNED TO MY OWN UNIVERSE AND WAS SUBSEQUENTLY SENT BACK HERE, I HAD HOPES THAT THE DEMON HAD PERISHED IN MY ABSENCE.
WITHOUT A PROPER SUPPLY OF SANDWICHES TO ROB AND TROLL SOULS TO WHITTLE AWAY IT SURELY COULD NOT SUSTAIN ITSELF.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
TODAY I REALIZED, TO MY HORROR, THE TRUE FATE OF THE MONSTROSITY:



IT HAS MULTIPLIED.

ITS OFFSPRING ARE CURRENTLY BEING HELD CAPTIVE.
POSSUM DEMON, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
LET US SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

FACE ME OR I WILL FEED YOUR CHILDREN TO TEREZI.

BELIEVE ME I'M PRETTY SURE IF I SMOTHER THEM IN VARIOUS SAUCES SHE WILL SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.

Comments

[yourgoddamnit]

TRUE.
I THINK I STILL HAVE SOME OF THAT SOY SAUCE LEFT OVER FROM THE EMPIRE OF SANDWICH FACTORIES.
AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE DEMON OFFSPRING PUDDING WITH HALF AND HALF FOR DESSERT.
LOOK AT ME I'M A FUCKING CELEBRITY CHEF OF HELLSPAWN RECIPES.
I SHOULD HAVE A SHOW.
MOVE OVER TROLL GORDON RAMSEY I AM TAKING YOUR PLACE.

[legality]

COM3 ON K4RK4T
3V3RYON3 KNOWS TH4T TH3 B3ST TROLL FOOD N3TWORK SHOW 1S CHOPP3D
4ND HON3STLY 1F YOU PULL TH1S D3MONF34ST OFF, 1M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU COULD M4K3 1T TO TH3 F1N4LS
1F TH3 CH4MP1ONSH1P ROUNDS S3CR3T 1NGR3D13NT W4S 4NYTH1NG T41NT3D BY TH3 HORRORT3RRORS OF BULLSH1TRY 4ND H3LL YOUD TOT4LLY W1N
1F 1T W4S 4NYTH1NG BOR1NG L1K3 GRUBS4UC3 (WH1CH 1T USU4LLY 1S) OR SOM3 K1ND OF F1SH
YOUD G3T YOUR L1TTL3 W1GGLY BUTT CHOPP3D
L1T3R4LLY
1 WOULD P4Y TO S33 BOTH

[yourgoddamnit]

WHAT ABOUT PASTRY WARS?
OR CAKE CAGE BATTLES TO THE DEATH?
YOU KNOW I'M JUST RATTLING OFF SHIT I ACTUALLY DON'T WATCH THE FOOD NETWORK.

[ unless it's the holidays. in that case he will try his damnedest to imitate Troll Paula Deen. he'll always fail but somehow he always gets hypnotized into watching to whole program and attempt to recreate it. it must be her souless, blank eyes and her smile. dear god that smile. it was frozen in place by the horrorterrors themselves, always grinning, always mirthful at failed cooking attempts and the slaughter of millions.

but fuck can she make some good biscuits. ]

EITHER WAY, I INTEND TO FINISH THIS WITH A TASTY BLOODBATH OF BABBY DEMONS.
ANYTHING ELSE IS JUST ICING ON THE PROVERBIAL CAKE.

[legality]

[ terezi watches the Cops channel and food network simultaneously. at all times. her hive is a din of iniquity.





get it? din? like noise? hahaahahhaahhahaoh my god im brilliant ahhaahahahaahahaaahhaahahahhaaahaaadjkshajfhdsiufhasdhafuckmylife. ]

1LL S4V3 SOM3
TO SH4R3 W1TH YOU 4ND KONG HONGLONGPONGWH4T3V3R
B3C4US3 1 4M TH4T GR4C1OUS 4ND W4NT TO SHOW OFF, WH4T 1 W1LL 4SSUM3 UNT1L PROV3D WRONG, YOUR T3RR1BL3 COOK1NG
B3C4US3 HON3STLY H3R3
H4V3 YOU 3V3R COOK3D 4 TH1NG 1N YOUR L1F3?
SUCC3SSFULLY?
>8]

[yourgoddamnit]

[ idgi ]

YES YOU ARE PHILANTHROPY FUCKING INCARNATE.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY TAPIOCA SANDWICHES ARE TOP NOTCH.
LESSER BEINGS HAVE CLAMBERED OVER THE BODIES OF THEIR COMRADES JUST FOR A TASTE OF MY DELICIOUS CREATIONS.

[legality]

[ goddamnit bb ]

TH3N STOP T4LK1NG 4ND ST4RT F33D1NG M3 >:o

[yourgoddamnit]

WHAT THE FUCK, YOUR GULLET IS LIKE A BOTTOMLESS PIT.
I KEEP THROWING STUFF IN IT AND IT FALLS FOREVER
SCREAMING ITS LAST SCREAM THAT NO ONE WILL EVER HEAR
ROTTING BEFORE IT EVEN HITS THE BOTTOM.

WELL THE POSSUMS AREN'T READY YET.
I STILL NEED THEM TO TERRORIZE THE THING THAT SPAWNED THEM.
I'LL MAKE A COUPLE SANDWICHES
BUT YOU ONLY GET ONE.
I SWEAR TO FUCK IF YOU EAT MY SANDWICH I WILL BREAK YOUR FOOT.

[legality]

Y34H, TH3R3 1S L1T3R4LLY NO T1M3L1N3 OR R34L1TY WH3R3 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO 34T 4LL OF YOUR D3MONB34ST S4NDW1CH3S
YOUR CR13S OF FUR1OUS OUTR4G3 W1LL B3 TH3 1C1NG ON TH3 GRUBLO4F

[yourgoddamnit]

YOU'LL BE USING YOUR CANE AS A CRUTCH.
EACH STEP YOU TAKE WILL BRING YOU AGONY.
THEN YOUR BROKEN FOOT WILL BECOME GANGRENOUS, OOZING PUS AND BLOOD AND DECAYING FLESH.
BUT, OF COURSE, THIS WILL NOT DETER YOU FROM EATING EVEN MORE OF MY SANDWICHES
AND THAT WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL.
YOU'LL DEVELOP DIABETES
BOTH YOUR FEET WILL FALL OFF
AND YOU WILL BE LEFT AS NOTHING MORE THAN A CRIPPLED LEPER WALLOWING IN THE SEWERS, RIDDLED WITH PARASITES AND REGRETS.

THIS IS THE FUTURE I PREDICT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING FOOD YOU SELFISH BITCH.

[legality]

1TLL B3 *SO* WORTH 1T

[yourgoddamnit]

[ you know what

he's not even going to refute that. ]

JUST AS LONG AS YOU REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR THIEVERY.

[ not only is he going to be sleep deprived and disease-ridden, but now he's starving. no one will be surprised if he dies from this. ]