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-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board I AM LITERALLY WASTING MINUTES OF MY LIFE TYPING OUT THIS BULLSHIT --

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE, DISCEDO, AND ALL THE UNFORTUNATE SOULS WHO WERE JUST TRANSPORTED HERE.
I PROMISE TO KEEP IT BRIEF.
LONG AGO I FOUGHT A BATTLE AGAINST A MIGHTY DEMON.
THE DARK DEPTHS OF HELL NAMED IT, ACCORDING TO THE WINCHESTER DUO, "OPOSSUM."
IT HAD TASTED MY BLOOD AND I HAD LIKEWISE TRIED TO BITE ITS FACE OFF
BUT BOTH OF US FAILED TO DESTROY THE OTHER.
WE WERE LOCKED IN A WALTZ OF HATE, AND DEATH WAS WAITING ON THE SIDELINES TO CUT IN.
WHEN I RETURNED TO MY OWN UNIVERSE AND WAS SUBSEQUENTLY SENT BACK HERE, I HAD HOPES THAT THE DEMON HAD PERISHED IN MY ABSENCE.
WITHOUT A PROPER SUPPLY OF SANDWICHES TO ROB AND TROLL SOULS TO WHITTLE AWAY IT SURELY COULD NOT SUSTAIN ITSELF.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
TODAY I REALIZED, TO MY HORROR, THE TRUE FATE OF THE MONSTROSITY:

IT HAS MULTIPLIED.

ITS OFFSPRING ARE CURRENTLY BEING HELD CAPTIVE.
POSSUM DEMON, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
LET US SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

FACE ME OR I WILL FEED YOUR CHILDREN TO TEREZI.

BELIEVE ME I'M PRETTY SURE IF I SMOTHER THEM IN VARIOUS SAUCES SHE WILL SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.

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SOUNDS LIKE A LOVELY TIME, SIR CONDESCENDING DOUCHEFEMUR.
WHILE WE'RE AT IT WE CAN LOOK FOR THE TATTERED REMAINS OF YOUR DIGNITY AND HUMILITY.
I'LL BE HONEST.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THEY'LL BE FOUND
OR THAT THEY EVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE
BUT DAMNED IF WE CAN'T TRY.

DIGNITY AND HUMILITY ARE THE FIRST THINGS THEY BEAT OUT OF YOU IN CORPS TRAINING, KID.
GET USED TO NOT HAVING ANY OF IT EVER IF YOU WANT TO BE A THRESHECUTIONER.

I WOULD CONSIDER THAT LEGITIMATE IF
YOU KNOW
SOCIETY HADN'T COLLAPSED IN AN APOCALYPTIC MASS EXTINCTION.
MY ASPIRATION TO BE A THRESHECUTIONER IS DEADER THAN ERIDAN ON A TUESDAY.
AND LET ME TELL YOU
HE IS PRETTY FUCKING DEAD.

BUT YEAH THIS IS COOL
LET'S KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE ANNIHILATION OF TROLLKIND AND MY ABANDONED DREAMS.
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I WANTED TO SPEND MY DAY.

TEREZI WAS QUICKER TO CATCH ON THAN YOU, BUT I WILL SAVE YOU THE EMBARRASSMENT.
I'M NOT FROM YOUR FUTURE OR PAST, SHITWAGON.
FUCK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU'RE USING GRAY IF YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THE THRESHERS.
IT'S THEIR, AND BY EXTENSION, MY THING.

OUR ENTIRE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT FIRING FUCKWORDS AND INSULTS BACK AND FORTH
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO GET "OH HI THERE I'M A FUCKING ALTERNATE VERSION OF YOU FROM SOME OFFSHOOT UNIVERSE" FROM THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, DON'T EVEN ANSWER THAT.
IS THIS BETTER?
LET ME KNOW HOW ELSE I MAY CAPITULATE TO YOU TODAY, ASSHAT.

IF YOU THINK THAT'S A FUCKING JOKE, THEN FIND SOME NEW MATERIAL, WIGGLER.
IT'S NOT EVEN REMOTELY TROLL-WORTHY BUT FUCKING BLASPHEMOUS AS HELL IF YOU GOT CAUGHT LIKE THAT.
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW
YOUR MEANINGLESS LIFE ISN'T WORTH ME PULLING FUCKING JURISDICTION.

OH YOU SENSITIVE FUCKING
FINE.
FINE.
BUT YOU'D BETTER GET OFF YOUR HIGH HOOFBEAST AND TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AROUND.
WE'RE IN THE DECAYING REMNANTS OF AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CIVILIZATION.
A HUMAN ONE, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND.
EVEN IF ALTERNIAN SOCIETY WASN'T UTTERLY FUCKING GONE IN ANY TIME LINE OR UNIVERSE REMOTELY CLOSE TO THE ONE I'M FROM
WELL
IF YOU'RE ME
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IF I CAN EVEN PUSH PAST ALL THE SELF LOATHING AND TREPIDATION TO EVEN DARE TO WRITE IN THAT COLOR.
THE ONLY REASON I CAN EVEN ATTEMPT IT IS SIMPLE:
NO ONE CARES.
NOT ONE FUCKING SOUL.
EXCEPT FOR THE RAINBOW DRINKERS BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY DON'T HAVE SOULS.

THAT'S THE COLOR OF THE GODS, YOU DIPSHIT.
THE COLOR I GAVE UP FOR THIS STEEL GRAY?
IT'S ACTUALLY CLOSER TO THIS, MORON.

...HUH.
I THINK
THERE MIGHT BE SOME SIGNIFICANT DEVIATION IN OUR LIVES.

HOW SO?
BESIDES THIS GAME SHIT I KEEP HEARING ABOUT BUT AM BEING LEFT IN THE DARK ABOUT ALL THE SAME?

IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO MEET IN PERSON FOR THIS.
WHERE ARE YOU?

STAYING AWAY FROM YOUR SHITHIVE MAGGOTS GIRL.
SHE FUCKING BIT ME!

GODDAMN IT TEREZI.
SHE RUINS EVERYTHING.
I WON'T EVEN ASK WHY SHE BIT YOU BECAUSE I BET THERE IS NO SANE ANSWER.
JUST
STAY WHEREVER YOU ARE AND I'LL COME TO YOU.
ALTHOUGH IT WOULD HELP IF YOU COULD TELL ME ANY IDENTIFYING LAND MARKS AROUND YOU.

THE PLACE IS LIKE A GIANT FUCKING MED BAY, IF THAT'S A THING THAT MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU.

STRANGELY YES.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THAT IS.
STAY PUT AND KEEP YOUR GANDERBULBS OPEN.
THE MONSTERS AROUND HERE SOMETIMES LIKE TO CLUSTER IN ITS HALLS.

THEY'RE SURPRISINGLY EASY, TO BE HONEST.

[ he gets bored, all right? but this Karkat will wait, foot tapping on the floor. ]

[ It'll take him a while to get over there, not because he doesn't know the way but because he has to make sure Terezi is occupied enough that she won't follow. So far it seems like she's wrapped up in her own business.

Since he didn't ask where in the hospital his other self is, Karkat just wanders up and down the halls stomping loudly and scraping his sickle along the wall. If he was wearing a cardboar box on his head he could be the worst Pyramid Head cosplayer ever. He decides the easiest way to find his cohort is to just shout into the darkness. ]

I'M HERE FOR THE ASSHOLE CONVENTION.

Participants? Just you.

[ this Karkat rolls his eyes as he steps out into view. holy shit this one is loud. like louder than his Lusus was in a fit of rage.

it's really weird though. looking at this version of himself. except for the sign, it's exactly what he looked like as a wiggler. mostly.

fuck, was he really THAT short? ]

[ It's equally weird for Tinykat as well. Obviously there are some differences between them, so this isn't exactly like looking into a perfect image of his future, but still.

He isn't sure how to feel about how much taller the other Karkat is. He'll just settle for his default mode of "vaguely annoyed." ]

Good thing you're hosting all the panels.

...So. What do you I call you? "Future self" isn't exactly apt, and it'd just be plain fucking weird if we both referred to each other by the same name.

[ tiny!kat... this a Karkat with scars, nicks on his horns, and some shredded ears. THIS IS WHAT A THRESHECUTIONER IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. ]

They're called therapy sessions. "How to become less of a bulgemunching asshat."

[ rolls his eyes, an absurd light gray instead of what color should be there. ]

How about Sire? It's completely fucking appropriate, given my title and your lack of one.

[ Karkat does have some admiration for it, even though IT'S THE IMAGE OF HIS SHATTERED DREAMS w;A;w

For his part, Tinykat is dirty, smells like a swamp, and looks like he hasn't gotten a decent night's sleep in years. He may also be riddled with typhus but only time will tell.

At the proposed "name," Karkat scowls, practically bearing his teeth. (It's an expression that has come from much practice of facing down the possums.) ]

How about fuck no you arrogant sternum. I'm naming you AnaLuciafromLost. Anal for short.

[ Hemo!kat just smirks. guess who has a rather level head and confidence to go with? him. that's who. ]

Call me that and I might have to continuously refer to you as TinyAssPlugNubs. Nubby for short.

[ GODDAMN IT. For a sec it looks like Karkat is about to explode into a rage fit (a combination of indignation at his own nickname and something else he can't quite describe--like jealousy, longing, self-loathing and regular loathing all rolled into one). Instead he takes a few deep breaths and calms himself just enough to not flip out. Trying to pick a fight with this Karkat would not only be unwise, but unfulfilling. He'll just have to stick to his crazy mental fights with his current self.

Ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiine. You'll be AnaL and I'll be Nubby and together we will be two halves of a whole dumbass.

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oh... irony

re: oh... irony

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