discedo | ( text/action )

-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board I AM LITERALLY WASTING MINUTES OF MY LIFE TYPING OUT THIS BULLSHIT --

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE, DISCEDO, AND ALL THE UNFORTUNATE SOULS WHO WERE JUST TRANSPORTED HERE.
I PROMISE TO KEEP IT BRIEF.
LONG AGO I FOUGHT A BATTLE AGAINST A MIGHTY DEMON.
THE DARK DEPTHS OF HELL NAMED IT, ACCORDING TO THE WINCHESTER DUO, "OPOSSUM."
IT HAD TASTED MY BLOOD AND I HAD LIKEWISE TRIED TO BITE ITS FACE OFF
BUT BOTH OF US FAILED TO DESTROY THE OTHER.
WE WERE LOCKED IN A WALTZ OF HATE, AND DEATH WAS WAITING ON THE SIDELINES TO CUT IN.
WHEN I RETURNED TO MY OWN UNIVERSE AND WAS SUBSEQUENTLY SENT BACK HERE, I HAD HOPES THAT THE DEMON HAD PERISHED IN MY ABSENCE.
WITHOUT A PROPER SUPPLY OF SANDWICHES TO ROB AND TROLL SOULS TO WHITTLE AWAY IT SURELY COULD NOT SUSTAIN ITSELF.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
TODAY I REALIZED, TO MY HORROR, THE TRUE FATE OF THE MONSTROSITY:

IT HAS MULTIPLIED.

ITS OFFSPRING ARE CURRENTLY BEING HELD CAPTIVE.
POSSUM DEMON, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
LET US SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

FACE ME OR I WILL FEED YOUR CHILDREN TO TEREZI.

BELIEVE ME I'M PRETTY SURE IF I SMOTHER THEM IN VARIOUS SAUCES SHE WILL SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ oh he is looking all right, and he is duly noting.

he doesn't want Terezi to be a skeleton 8(((( ]

What about these demons? I assume they're not toxic to us, but...

[Brooke leans in closer to the screen.]

Oh wait, I've heard of these once. Some guy in the south blue said they were damn good eat'n. Yohohoho!

[ Karkat doesn't look amused. Also maybe he should start questioning why the fuck he's talking to a skeleton, or how a skeleton can talk, but no. Nope. Not even going there. NOT EVEN CARING. THIS IS DISCEDO AND NOTHING IS SENSIBLE. ]

Yes you are the most reassuring dead person on the whole fucking planet. If Aradia were here I'm sure you two could have an annoying corpse party. Invite everyone. It would be a blast.

Oh you are quite welcome my short little friend, always glad to clarify things! Yohohoho!

A corpse party you say? What does that usually entail?

Then how about you clarify how the fuck I'm talking to a skeleton.

Usually it entails a girl who is overtly fond of the dead getting abnormally excited in the presence of cadavers, throwing a celebration, and bringing shame and embarrassment upon all her friends. In this case? We already have you, the garishly dressed body, so all we need is the death fangirl and we're fucking set.

And then when we've all had a jolly good time, we incinerate you.

Everyone wins.

Well that certainly sounds like fu-...

You know you had me right up until the incineration... Yohohoho!

[Really, you did. He was getting all excited by this corpse party and now you've spoiled his mood.]

As for how I'm a talking skeleton? Cursed fruit.

Has anyone ever told you that your laugh is as hard to listen to as a dying loved one calling out to you for help when you are restrained?

[ if only Aradia was around. she's the needed death fangirl. ]

Cursed fruit.

[ Karkat can't decide whether he believes it or not. On one hand, he's lived through weirder. On the other, it's just so stupid that believing it would acknowledge that such stupidity is a legitimate part of reality. ]

Should I even ask you to elaborate on that?

That's... That's so sad!

That won't stop me from laughing though. Yohohoho!

... Would you like an elaboration?

Of course it won't. Of course it won't.

[ he does actually let his head fall against a table in dismay, but he isn't agitated enough to repeatedly headdesk. is headdesk even a legit verb. I don't care I'm using it as one. ]

Know what? Sure. Why the fuck not.

Hmm... where to begin...

[He seems to be ignoring the headdesking... if that is in fact a legit verb.]

Well you say waaaay back I ate the cursed devil fruit of resurrection, called the yomi yomi, fruit. In my world there are many different variety of devil fruit, but only ever one of each kind. You see when a devil fruit user dies, the devil possessing them with their powers returns to the devil fruit tree, and spawns a new devil fruit of it's kind. So anyways, where was I? Oh yes, so my fruit is the cursed fruit of resurrection, so when I died I came back to life.

... It's just that it took my soul an entire year to find my body again, so when I finally did, I was nothing but bones! ... That, and a stylish head of hair. Yohohoho!

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