text;

[legality]

[ There’s a post from Karkat’s communicator. Which is strange, considering how quiet he's been lately. By "quiet," I mean "dead." But no one's seen his body right? So maybe he survived the typhus? Yeah, that's the only explanation, otherwise he wouldn't be posting. ]

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MY NAME IS KARKAT FUCK.
NOW THAT MY IDENTITY HAS BEEN SUITABLY ASCERTAINED, IT’S FUCKING TIME TO GET TO SOME FUCKING BUSINESS FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

1) WHO HERE DO I HATE MORE SO THAN THE GENERAL HATE I HAVE FOR EVERYTHING THAT MOVES AND LOTS OF THINGS THAT DON’T MOVE?
PRONGS IN THE AIR, ASSHOLE. I WANT AN ACTUAL COUNT.
IF I’VE EVER SAID I HATE YOU IN GREAT DETAIL, JUST REMIND ME HERE.
POTENTIALLY WITH LINKS BECAUSE LINKS OR IT DOESN’T EXIST.

2) HAVE ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES KILLED ME BEFORE?
I’M INCREDIBLY DUMB SOMETIMES SO I DON’T REMEMBER THESE THINGS, SO I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT IN AN INCREDIBLY ANGRY MANNER IF YOU INFORMED ME OF THIS.

3) ALSO IF YOU’VE EVER INTRODUCED YOUR FIST TO MY FACE.
OR YOUR HOOF TO MY ASS.
OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY SIMILAR TO A BEATING.
I FEEL LIKE THIS IS INFORMATION THAT I NEED TO KNOW.

4) FINALLY, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN UP TO DURING THE LAST FEW HUMAN MONTHS.
THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION THAT, YET AGAIN, BECAUSE I AM INFAMOUSLY STUPID, I’VE FORGOTTEN.

FUCK FUCK FUCK KARKAT SIGNING OFF FUCK ETC.

Comments

[yourgoddamnit]

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO DO MENTAL GYMNASTICS TO COME UP WITH A STEADY STREAM OF INSULTS, BUT YOU'VE BROKEN AN ANKLE AS YOU HOBBLE DESPERATELY FROM SUBJECT TO SUBJECT.
YOU'RE GOING FOR THE GOLD
BUT YOU'VE ALREADY SCORED A ZERO.

IT'S THE CONVERSATIONAL EQUIVALENT TO A GLITCHY GAME.
BUT SINCE I CAN'T RETURN YOUR SORRY ATTITUDE AND THE RECEIPT IS VOID
I'LL JUST HAVE TO BLOW ON YOUR CARTRIDGE AND HOPE THAT YOU WORK.
BUT YOU NEVER WILL.

IN FACT, I AM THE MOST GLORIOUS PUPBEAST.
FEMALES WILL FLOCK TO MY SLEEPING FORM CROONING, "DOOOOOOOOODDLLLLEEE."
I WILL GET ALL THE SNUGS
AND YOU ARE MERELY AN UNLOVED DOUG.

WOW, IMPOSTER SELF, POSSUMS ARE POISONOUS?
REALLY????
I'M UTTERLY SHOCKED O:B
JEGUS TOASTER STRUDEL COVERED IN FUCK-FLAVORED FROSTING YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
OF COURSE POSSUMS ARE POISONOUS
BUT
I'M SLOWLY BUILDING AN IMMUNITY TO THEM.
MUCH LIKE A PIRATE WOULD BUILD IMMUNITY TO IOCANE POWDER.
WE'LL SEE WHO IS THE SUPERIOR ONE WHEN I'M ADVENTURING IN A FOREST DEFEATING SQUEAKBEASTS AND TAKING DOWN CORRUPT PRINCES WHILE YOU WALLOW IN A BED
AND IN THE CENTER OF THAT BED
IS A SINGLE SOLITARY TURD.
FOR YOU SEE, IT WAS ACTUALLY YOU WHO POOPED THE BED.
YOU DID ALL THE POOPS.
ALL OF THEM.