discedo | ( video; english )

[ America has been lying low ever since his little "excursion" with Tatsumi. Part of it is because it's pretty awkward to face up to doing terrible things, even if they weren't done by choice, even though he had no control in almost every sense. No matter what though, it's always hard to deal with the consequences of hurting those you care about. So he hasn't. He's been content to sit numbly at home and keep himself together.

But there's another reason.

America now wears a grin that's mostly reminiscent of his usual ones: cocky, self-assured, triumphant. Look closely though--look at the dark circles under his eyes, the healing bite marks on his neck, the bruises, and suddenly that sharp edge to his smile seems a little off. ]

Two weeks! Two whole freaking weeks and there ain't hide or hair of the bastard left! Discedo, I've done the impossible: I've solved your vampire problem. Let this be a lesson to all creatures of the day, night, or otherwise who are getting any ideas about going toe-to-toe with Hero of Hegemony!

[ It is at this point that he holds up his right hand. It's not a hand. It's a chainsaw.

Let's let that sink in: America has lost his hand and now he has a chainsaw in its place.

America has a chainsaw hand. And it works.

This is a travesty against all things sane. A beautiful, stupidly glorious travesty. ]

Mess with me, will ya? Fuck me up, will ya? SUCK OUT MY FREE WILL WITH YOUR VAMPIRE FANGS AND USE ME LIKE A PUPPET, WILL YA? I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY THAT FROM HELL, TATSUMI! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[ The chainsaw is turned on to accompany his near-maniacal laughter for an extra dramatic effect. Bruce Campbell would be proud of this display of lunacy.

After a bit he finally calms down. The smile remains on his face, but it seems a little more forced. ]

Gonna guess being dead for two weeks means he's staying dead for good. All those safe measures I took to make him stay dead, it damn well better work. [ Because if it doesn't... well, he's not sure what he'll do. His smile falters a moment, then comes back a little sadder. ]

And, uh... to y'all that are wonderin', and the ones who saw me... that night. I'll talk! Dunno how ready I am, but it ain't like I'm gonna get any more ready, right? Point is, I'm okay now, you're okay now, everything's okay!

[ Except he's really not. Hell if he'll talk about that though. ]

Oh! And if anyone knows where my hand went, lemme know! Stupid thing keeps running off on me.

[ Everyone might want to check under their covers tonight. You know, just in case a sentient severed hand happens to be there 8))) ~~Why do I write these things what is wrong with me.~~

Also on a quick ooc note! I'm still chipping away at the event log, but if you have any questions about outcomes with your character/plotting/whatev, just drop me a line through PM or plurk or whatever mode of communication is comfortable for you! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Let's disregard your capitalist talks. It's almost upsetting.]

Could they not go visit Canada? I hear from friends that Canada is very pleasant to visit. He is very kind and does not judge others for their governments.

Why would you visit one of Canada's beaches? They've got snow instead of sand! Definitely not suited for swim suits. And I bet his oceans have icebergs floating in 'em.

It would be nice, I think! Seeing snow. [... As someone who has only experienced snow when she had to visit France when she was his colony, she thinks of snow as something romantic. It's like cold, fluffy, slow rain.]

If I wanted to go to a warm beach, I think I would go to one of my own. There are not very many other beaches that I have liked over my own.

Oh sure, it's good for a day or two, maybe a week. It's all pretty when it starts, you can go sledding, come in for hot cocoa, all that good stuff. Then you gotta go out to buy groceries, but with windchill makes it colder than a witch's tit and it feels like your nose is gonna freeze off, and God forbid you try to drive because good luck with that black ice! Got a flight? Cancel it, unless you want to spend six hours sitting on a runway waiting for them to defrost the wings.

And Frosty the Snowman is fucking terrifying.

[ Bitter? Never. ]

Outer Banks has wild horses. You can't beat that. My pony would agree.

What is Outer Banks? [Wild horse sounds delicious AHAHAHA, but she's sure that America didn't mean to advertise horse as a culinary attraction.]

[ NOOOOOOO THE PONIES w;A;w ]

Bunch of barrier islands in North Carolina. Whereas Daytona's a party beach, the Outer Banks are the place to chill out and just relax, take naps by a lighthouse, that sort of thing. People even get a little slice of my history to see!

[ Except he's not too fond of revisiting said history himself. Roanoke and malaria weren't exactly the highlights of his childhood. ]

[All of these names do not mean much to her because it's not like she is very familiar with American geography. She isn't interested in becoming familiar with it, either; there's no point in getting to know him that well aside from tourist purposes.]

It sounds very quaint.

... Having a chainsaw hand would make it very difficult to enjoy time in that kind of place, wouldn't it?

[ American geography is the only geography that matters in his mind, so he doesn't bother explaining further because obviously everyone else thinks so too. Yes. ]

Quaint! That's one word for it! Really, I think a chainsaw hand can only improve the chill life. I can use it to chop firewood and carve ice sculptures and it sure won't hinder me from winning a pie-eating contest!

[ wat ]

Chainsaw hand basically improves all aspects of life. All of them.

[... You've stunned her into silence. There is no logic when she is talking to you.]

[ WHEN IS THERE EVER. He thinks the silence is awe. ]

I know, I know. I basically deserve my own movie at this point.

[... No, you don't deserve anything like a movie. It just seems so ridiculous and self-centered and naive, it's maddening. England must have forgotten to teach you humility before you ran off to be independent.]

... Sound like a waste of money.

[ More like England taxed the humility out of him but shhhhhh we won't go into that. ]

No way! My movie'd be number one at the box office for years to come. It'd go down in history right alongside Kubrick and Hitchcock and John Wayne and Marylin Monroe!

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