discedo | (no subject)

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*npc: spectavi

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[ The following post and all subsequent comments by spectavi are broadcasting up on your communicators. Characters may comment to this post, but it will not be seen on the broadcast, nor will the characters of spectavi receive the comments. Much like watching television. ]

Discedo: Channel 8 news, broadcasting live!.

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[ In a most unusual circumstance, the first thing you hear isn't "Hello and welcome to Discedo Channel 8 News!" It's… nothing. The studio appears to be empty. The lights are on, but there's no one in sight.

Then something hops on screen.

What… what the fuck is that? ]

[ It looks like a small white blob with cute round eyes and little smiling mouth. It has hair, too--the one currently on screen has wavy brown hair and glasses, not unlike a certain news anchors.

And then it speaks in a high pitched voice. ]

[ It's as adorable and horrifying as a Furby. ]

[ The screen cuts to another. This one doesn't smile. Actually, it looks pretty unamused by the whole situation. Given its blond hair and scruff, you can only guess who this one is imitating. ]

[ "she" starts gnawing on the head of another of the mochis, this one with shorter brown hair and who is looking utterly petrified by its treatment. ]

[ Luckily the two are pulled apart fairly quickly as Charon--the real Charon--steps on screen. ]

Ah, here they are. Cheeky buggers started it up all on their own.

[ The rest of the regular Spectavi crew follows. Michael scoops up his own little mochi and holds the scared creature close. Molly sits down in her usual seat, obvious annoyance contrasting with her (unnervingly cheery) tiny double. Steven sits. Him and his mochi mutually ignore each other. ]

Great, not only have they wasted our time leading us around, but now they've botched the program!

Come now, jealousy isn't a good color on you.

[ she genuinely looks puzzled ]

What would I have to be jealous of?

That you're no longer the scariest thing in the studio.

[ Michael tries to hush it as Molly shoots them a glare. If looks could kill, they'd both be dead. ]

[ Steven just seems tired of the whole fiasco and talks as though he isn't sitting amongst chaos. ]

May as well start with the monster report, then.

As you can see, Discedo has… a new brand of creature on its hands.

Mochis.

[ You are now picturing Steven!Mochi talking like Mo from Wall-E. ]

Right. Yes. Mochis, or so they call themselves. Thank you for that.

[ He looks utterly exasperated. His whole expression reads, What the fuck has my (un)life become. I am reaching but I fall but the stars are black and cold as I stare into the void of a world that cannot hold I'll escape now from this world the world of mochis there is nowhere I can turn there is no way to go oooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

except jumping off a bridge wouldn't exactly be useful to him at this point, so he must simply sit and suffer. ]

It seems they share minimal qualities with certain people, both physical and personality traits. There could possibly be a double for everyone, so don't be surprised if you find one staring you in the face one day.

And these doubles don't rip your skin off.

[ The camera cuts to Charon. He's lounging in an upholstered chair (one that's seen some obvious wear if the tattered fabric is any indication). Sitting in his lap is his own mochi double. Both have a glass of liquor and wear a bemused smirk. ]

Burn.

[ They both say it in unison in a suave, mocking tone. ]

One day you will, I promise.

[ Her own mochi growls buuuurrrrnnnnn. still smiling. still scary. ]

Now if all the blobs would kindly shut up, I have actual news to report on.

Recently Discedo had seen an unusually large influx of people only to have them disappear the next day. Even more astounding, it appears that people actually remember this time.

[ she doesn't elaborate on what she means by "this time." ]

That begs the question of what our esteemed leaders are up to. Why bring in so many if only to send them away so soon after their arrival? Why let the dear kidnapped inhabitants remember? Were all the new arrivals sent back to their own worlds, or were there more sinister forces at work?

[ Charon!Mochi holds up a picture in its mouth.

This is the picture: ]

[ for once she actually looks solemn and serious. ]

The investigation will continue, but I'll say this: I don't pretend to be anything more or less than what I am. You might want to think twice before you assume the Scientists are the same.

[ annnddddd the smile is back. ]

Yet amidst all the confusion and possible slaughter, love has found a way! That's right. China and Stocking Anarchy have finally decided to stop their illicit love affair and turn their shame into a legitimate marriage! Everyone would be wise to be on the look out for a baby bump at the ceremony.

She's just bitter she wasn't invited.

I'm not bitter, I'm merely disappointed that they don't have any appreciation for my efforts to bring them closer together!

…By perpetuating rumors that they had a child out of wedlock and all sorts of awful things? That's bringing them closer together?

I put them in the public eye. Tested the strength of their love. Obviously they passed and I'll take some credit for that.

How noble of you.

Now, delightfully disturbing blobs aside, you may want to load up on the sinus medication soon.

Wait, is this your area?

Me? Uh, no, not really, you can keep going. I figure it's one of those cryptic hints you like to do.

Clever boy.

[ He shrugs casually ]

Like I said, you'll want your antihistamines fast. I hear allergy season can be murder.

Wh-what?

Merely a figure of speech.

And that's the news! Tune in next time where we may just be live from a certain wedding reception!

You're going to stalk them out of spite aren't you.

Ehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

[ grins ] What she said.

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