discedo | ( text )

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, FUCKASSES AND SANDWICH FACTORIES.
TODAY I BRING TO YOU A MARVELOUS TALE.
IT IS A STORY OF SURVIVAL THAT RIVALS THE ESTEEMED FILM COMMONLY ABBREVIATED TO TROLL LIAM NEESON VS. THE HOWLBEASTS.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE I'M THE PROTAGONIST
BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT MY FOE IS AN EVEN MORE DESPICABLE EXCUSE OF ANGRY FUCK THAN I AM.
SERIOUSLY.
IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE CREATED A MINIATURE CLONE OF ME, THREW IT INTO THE BOWELS OF HELL, AND THE SHIT IT OUT IN THE LOAD GAPER THAT IS DISCEDO.
I WOULD BE IMPRESSED IF MY COMMUNICATOR WASN'T SMEARED WITH MY OWN BLOOD AS I TYPE THIS.

THE STORY BEGINS A FEW WEEKS AGO.
EVERY FUCKING DAY I'D HEAR SOMETHING SKITTERING AND SCREECHING WITHIN THE WALLS OF THIS DECAYING HIVE.
PUNCHING THE WALL HAD NO EFFECT.
JUST WHEN I WAS CONSIDERING FLUSHING OUT THE CULPRIT WITH FIRE, I FIND THE LITTLE ASSHOLE EATING THE SANDWICH I'D SET DOWN.
HE WAS EATING
MY FUCKING
TAPIOCA SANDWICH.
WE LOCKED EYES
AND I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.

RIGHT BEFORE HELL BROKE LOOSE I MANAGED TO CATCH A PICTURE OF IT ~~BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS A PROPER PHOTO OF THEIR NEMESIS~~.
BEHOLD THE FACE OF NIGHTMARES:

I MANAGED TO PUNCH IT TO DEATH ONCE, BUT IT ROSE FROM THE DEAD JUST IN TIME TO ATTACK MY EVERYTHING WITH THE FURY OF AN ERIDAN WHO CAN'T FIND HIS SIZE AT THE HIDEOUS PANTS STORE.
NATURALLY I ATTACKED BACK.
I'M PRETTY SURE I BIT HIM MORE THAN HE BIT ME.
REALLY, HE'S FORTUNATE HE ESCAPED BACK INTO THE WALLS WITH HIS LIFE.

THE DEMON THINKS IT HAS WON.
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW THAT THE BATTLE HAS ONLY BEGUN.
THIS HAS ASCENDED BEYOND PEST CONTROL.
NO, THE DEFILER OF SANDWICHES HAS REACHED LEVELS OF HATRED ONLY ACHIEVED BY MY PAST SELF.
(I'LL STATE NOW THAT IT'S PERFECTLY PLATONIC HATRED BECAUSE I'M NOT A SICKO).
IT WILL FEEL THE FULL CONSEQUENCES OF MY WRATH.
WHEN WE MEET AGAIN, THE WALKING CARCASS WILL BE SO STRICKEN BY THE DEPTHS OF MY IRE THAT IT WILL SPONTANEOUSLY GAIN SENTIENCE.
ITS FIRST AND LAST THOUGHTS WILL BE
"OH SHIT.
I RUE THE DAY I FUCKED WITH KARKAT VANTAS.
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT ACCEPT DEATH'S EMBRACE YET THE FEAR IN MY HEART--"
AND BY THAT POINT I WILL HAVE DECAPITATED THE DEMON, THUS CUTTING HIS BRIEF AFFAIR WITH INTELLIGENCE SHORT.

I WILL RETURN IT TO THE WORLD OF HORRORTERRORS WHERE IT BELONGS, NEVER TO REVIVE AGAIN.
I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE.

ZOMBIE DEMON, YOU ARE MY QUEST.

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE.
SAM WINCHESTER THE MOOSE.
I SUMMON YOU.
GET YOUR ASS IN THIS MEMO BEFORE I LEAVE A MAP OF YOUR DWELLING FOR THE DEMON TO FIND.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[What was that? Wait... What'd you just call him?]

Yes? And I'm not a moose.

[OOC: Oblivious mun is oblivious. Sorry for the delay.]

I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOU SINCE APPARENTLY YOU'RE THE MORE EDUCATED OF THE WINCHESTER BROOD.
AND THAT'S WHAT YOUR BROTHER TOLD ME TO CALL YOU.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A MOOSE IS
BUT YOU SURE AS SHIT SOUND LIKE ONE.

[ wow I need an edit button BUT IT'S COOL ♥ ]

~~It's a... nevermind.~~ Text erased.

Of course he did. Thanks Dean. Tell some random stranger to call him a moose. And let the plotting begin.

Moving on. What did you want to ask me?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MYTHOLOGY?
SPECIFICALLY, WHAT YOUR NOTIONS OF TROLLS ARE.

THERE'S ALSO A STORY ABOUT A HAIRA AND A CRAB AND THE STARS.
IT'S APPARENTLY RELEVANT TO MY LIFE.
IF YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE IN THAT SAME VEIN, THAT WOULD HELP.

Well, both the Norse and Scandinavian share the story that trolls lived in mountains, sometimes caves, but there's a lot more information regarding the Scandinavian myth. They're claimed as being man-eaters, looking human themselves, in both appearance and size, and usually turn to stone when they come in contact with the sun. They're not too bright, often unfriendly, and notorious for overrunning farms and kidnapping people for food. Haira is one of the Divine Generals of theYakushi Nyorai, and often associated with the sheep in the Chinese Zodiac. I don't know of any stories that involve him and a crab, but I do know of one about a crane. The moral of the story was about trickery. It went something like "The trickster who can't be trusted, has played his last trick."

I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF WHAT "NORSE" AND "SCANDINAVIAN" MEAN, BUT I DOUBT IT'S VERY RELEVANT.
IF THIS IS THE HUMAN ARCHETYPE FOR WHAT TROLLS ARE
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO A SHITTON OF CORRECTING.
THE STRANGE THING IS I CAN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE MOST OF THESE PRECONCIEVED NOTIONS OF TROLLS ARE COMING FROM.
EXCEPT THE MAN-EATING PART.
WHY THE FUCK DO HUMANS THINK THEY'RE SO GODDAMN APPETIZING?
YOU ALL LOOK LIKE UNHEALTHY LARVAE.

THAT LAST ONE IS A LITTLE TRICKY.
THE INCLUSION OF THE ZODIAC SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT THOUGH.
HUH.
GOOD MORAL THOUGH.
I THINK I HAVE A FRIEND OR TWO I COULD PASS THAT ALONG TO.

Old religions. Very old. Thor and Loki originated from these stories. [What does he mean by 'you' all? Well, regardless if Sam's talking to a non-human or not, he's glad this one doesn't eat people. Cause most of the time, they do. You got him on why they prefer -what Dean called- Long Pork.]

The common myth of trolls, the ones you'd see in movies, is now is that they're tall, about 9 feet, and hideous in appearance. The first modernized appearance of a troll was Grendal in the poem Beowulf. I can do some research for you. See if I can located the story involving Haira and the crab.

HOLY SHIT YOU'RE ACTUALLY USEFUL.
YEAH MORE RESEARCH WOULD BE HELPFUL THANKS.
AND ANY MORE INFORMATION YOU HAVE ABOUT GRENDAL AND THOR AND WHATNOT.
IN RETURN I CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH MORE ACCURATE INFORMATION ABOUT TROLLS.

Yeah, it's no problem. [Sam likes research. And hopefully some of those buildings, the school maybe, in this world have books from his world.] Thor is the god of Thunder. He's the figure you generally see holding a hammer and causing lightning storms. The day Thursday is named after him. There's even a comic book about him being a hero in the modern world.

SO HE'S ONE OF HUMANITY'S PERCEPTIONS OF THE GODS?
WOW.
WELL I'LL HAND IT TO YOU, THOR SOUNDS MORE INTIMIDATING THAN TAVROS AND LESS FUCKING RETARDED THAN GAMZEE OR ERIDAN.
IF THERE WERE COMICS ABOUT ANY OF THEM IT WOULD SURELY BE TITLED
"THE ADVENTURES OF MISERABLE FAILURES."
I'M SURE JAPAN HAS ALREADY DRAWN THIS.
OR POSSIBLY SMUT.
PROBABLY SMUT.

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